Let's do it Loser

So it has come to this. WLS. Weight Loss Surgery. I have always thought of people who had to get weight loss surgery as cheaters, lazy, losers. My god how did they let themselves get so big that they would have to get surgery to lose weight. Why don't they just put the fork down. It is cheating. Alter your body and you cant eat and gorge so you are forced to lose weight. What losers. They have given up. They were all so proud of their weight loss too. Like of course you are losing weight. You have no choice now. These were my condescending thoughts as i was on day 5 of my 800 calorie a day fast. Smoking, popping ephedrine tablets, caffeine pills, eating only one meal a day and putting pretending to tie my shoe to put my head between my legs until the dizziness passed. All these things to stay a slim 160 pounds. Until the day I quit doing that and the pounds piled on. Now i am a massive 260 pounds and I am terrified. I spent three weeks on nutrisystem and lost 2 pounds. i have been counting my calories to stay under 1200 for 2 weeks and haven't lost anything. I still smoke and my back hurts when I am standing at the sink cutting doing the dishes. i have opportunities to travel and turn them down with lame excuses because I cant afford to upgrade to First class and no way is this fat ass flying coach. I mentioned WLS in passing to my doctor thinking he would tell me how silly and extreme it was to even consider that. Instead he was way too excited. He referred me to a seminar. He said he would do everything he could to get me approved. He clapped me on my lumberjack back in congratulations beaming like i had graduated college. I was heartbroken. So I went to the seminar and thought well I am going to be so out of place here a chubby girl amid the morbidly obese of america. No. Yes some massive people were there but no most were my size some were smaller. I listened to the seminar, the pretty power points telling me hardly anyone has complications, a few have some minor bumps, everyone lives happily ever after, it is not a quick fix. Blah Blah it is a tool. You are not a tool it is a tool. And then the prerequisites came. OMG did they come. A mammogram A colonoscopy A psych evaluation A 6 month supervised diet A recommendation from phsysican 40 bmi or 35 plus high blood pressure and maybe something else sleep apnea or high blood pressure or diebietes lose 15 pounds No smoking for 6 weeks and they will piss test you. So.....wtf...I scheduled everything sure why not. I called my insurance. It sounds like they cover it and they seem to say no prediet is required but we are doing that as well just in case. I am on month 3 of 6 so by the time all this shit is done I will have this down. But no smoking and lose 15 pounds? How is that going to happen. Last time i quit smoking i gained 10 pounds the first week? 15 pounds from when to when? Oh well We shall see. I will log it all here. I am keeping this blog private for now and when i get it approve and have the surgery and maybe one year anniversary I will publish it all at once and be an inspiration to the entire world WEEEE.