Mandatory Blog Here

The Reason we bought you The reason we kept you. The reason you stayed. The reason we laugh. The reason we love you Merry Christmas Goober. Thank you so much for putting up with us.

I like to think I am a strong confident woman. I normally am quite good at convincing myself that I am There are certain moments that those carefully crafted illusions come crashing down. Over the last couple days I confess to the following: Asked him to go to store as I couldn’t face the crowds After the ice storm had him take me to work not just one day but also day after The entrée I was to bring into work dinner didn’t turn out Panic attack when daughter didn’t answer cell phone after ice storm Called numerous times even though I knew she wasn’t answering Called her fiancé numerous times even though he wasn’t answering Texted her BFF phone frantically even though I wasn’t sure I had the number right Told my mother about it so we could FEED OFF each others fears in detail. Stalked her, his and her bff facebook, myspace, twitter to see last log in. Ate all the raw cookie dough in two days After failing to get my jeans zipped spent twenty minutes searching for fat jeans, only to reali...

A convo today with one of my dear male friends. Him: I am so bah humbug today Me: Why is that? Him: I don’t know Me: That’s a shame Him: I was listening to talk radio today Me: My God don’t listen to the news on the economy its depressing Him: No it was some Catholic station Me: Well that should be uplifting, aren’t you Catholic? Him: I was, well kind of, I don’t go to church but I listen to this show Me: I would think that should count for something Him: Yes that’s what I thought Me: So what he say Him: Oh that none of it matters no one remembers you when you’re gone anyway Me: Well that is depressing for a priest Him No not really it more like Christmas is about people not gifts or decorations Me Yes of course but I like gifts, don’t you? Him You know what they say money can’t buy happiness Me: Who says that Him: Everyone says that Me: Yeah you know who says that? Cheap people do. (giggles) Him I am not into gifts this year Me: You’re not? Him No they are silly meaningless material ...

Horrible things I have given as gifts with the best of intentions, honestly at that moment in time, I thought these were great gifts! - Mud flaps - Shorts 3 sizes too big - A vibrating pen - A leather vest with fringe (male) - Play dough factory (2yr old) - 1000 piece puzzle solid in color - A monkey on a stick - Assorted pieces of wood - A printer with no cables/power source - Glamour pics of myself - Self warming battery operated socks - 2 cartons of cigs Honestly, all these gifts were given in love with the best of intentions, if any of them intrigues you and you just can’t wrap your mind around how anyone could give such a thing, leave a comment and I will do my best to explain myself.

Dear Santa, I know I told you to get lost years ago when I was a young poor kid and you were either too busy to come see me or scared of the neighbor’s pit bull, whatever chubs, but I will give you one more chance. Since that day I vowed to work hard and never ask any man (especially the fat hairy type who can only come out once a year and pass judgment whilst scarfing cookies and milk) for anything. I pretty much buy it all for me by me thank you very much. Being the kind hearted forgiving type that I am; I will give you one more chance. Please bring me the following for Christmas. Oh and by the way fat man I have been good, very good, the type of good that you don’t want to tell your wife or mother about but that you sit around in a stupor for days remembering good! mm kay? Any of these will suffice and redeem your soul in my eyes: -The magic diet pill (There are magic pills for men whose parts don’t or shouldn’t work, where is mine?) -Shoes and not just any shoes either the ones tha...