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Showing posts with the label Fat

Love Goggles

Do you all know what love goggles are? It is when you look at someone and love them they look beautiful I have a friend who went through major weight loss surgery She lost 150 pounds and is thrilled She is dating Going to meet ups in her city Going to dances Going on walks Whatever She is living life large No pun intended The thing that bothers me Not about her I am happy for her She was really big so even after her wieght loss she has 50 pounds on me easy We are the same height She feels beautiful I feel like a fat ass wtf It really is about how you feel about yourself isnt it? I think we should all take a lesson from her Lets get out there and love ourselves Lets all put our love goggles on when we look in the mirror

I'm Huge

I think it happened I am sick of being fat although I did have hubby buy me a candy bar today But tomoz I think ill start my diet I think you really have to be sick of being fat to go on a diet and lose weight I did do 4 dances on dance central so who knows maybe this time I will do something about it meh

Not Addicted Part Two

No spring here yet No sweets in house Have resorted to putting sugar on toast No sugar in house Argh Wait wait That stupid mason jar that I discussed here It has sugar in it Oh yes I did LOL No I am not addicted Not at all

Cookie Monster

Hubby and I went on a litte errand run together We went to the ATM Got Gas Swung by CVS to pick up essentials Milk, Diet Mountain Dew,and Beer I meant essential to us not everyone haha Anywho during the fray of grabbing our crap so he could hurry and get home and get a beer I snuck in a bag of Milano Cookies on the counter The Cashier scanned and bagged them right away I dont think he even noticed She then rang up rest asked for his CVS card and ID Why oh why do we have to have those dumb retail cards Anywhooo All is good and lady still has my cookies in the bag out of reach everyone is grinning Hubby has hands full waiting to bolt out door with his cargo Lady grinning and I had to go ummmmm Could I have my cookies please Oh your cookies! You dont want to forget your cookies! I was going to keep them I love those kind of cookies! Those are my favourite cookies. Here you go. God sometimes I hate people

I am not Addicted

I love how I can convince myself that I have no vices No addictions These are all personal choices Not because I have too I enjoy smoking It relaxes me That works fine until you find yourself standing in the alley behind a non smoking building next to the dumpster in the pouring rain Same thing on my Doc prescribed meds I can take them or leave them That is until I am out and have a mental melt down Or swell up because I havent taken bp meds in three days CHOICE Its all my choice people LOL But last night.......... After being snowed in for 4 days No sweets in house Well anyway let me explain..... My daughter made my SIL a decorative mason jar containing all the ingredients for choco chip cookies in it The Choco chips were on the top which I promptly ate Then I bought another bag and filled it up and ate those too but then........... Stranded today inside snowed in no sweets. I noticed some chips had fallen throughout the jar So of course.... I strained them

ZUMBA

I want the kinect for xbox as I have already told everyone But there is a Zumba game you can use with it too! While researching it on you tube I saw this video Its long but I am sharing because 1. it shows you an entire zumba class 2. watch the lady in the green shirt (that would be my mom if we took one) 3. the lady right behind her? That would be me if we took a class Hilarious

Life Altering

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How did I not think of this I found this on this web page HERE But you know what How did I not think of this I already know you need to unwrap 10 kisses before you begin eating them lol

Fat Nation

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Have you seen these commercials for Lanacane? Balloon people with their legs rubbing together I don't know if I should be offended by this commercial? Maybe its more like I am thrilled they are making this stuff? Why didn't they have this crap when I was younger and wore shorts(thank goodness for capris coming back in style) Maybe they did but it was taboo to market it I tell you what it is certainly a weird thought that you could be in a situation where some hot stranger asks you what is  that white cream is on your thighs Would any answer not be embarrassing Oh that is just the cream I wear so I don't chafe when my huge fat thighs rub together. Ok i will take it as marketing. Hey ad guys you want the next new AD CAMPAIGN? Find me something that stops me from sweating under my boobs. I doubt you could use balloon people for that. Perhaps cotten ball chicks? What you think?

Slow Down

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(I call this pic, Not our IceCream guy) Remember those hot summer lazy days of your childhood? The ice cream truck? I love the icecream truck But ours.... WTH? I know we dont have any kids on my street anymore We are all old slow asses But this guy He flies down our street Probably to get to the trailer court where the real money is Which is fine I am a capatalist I understand speeding down the street to get to a destination I mean I have a sports car I get it. Physics says your tires will squeal if you turn when you are going that fast I get that too BUT..... If you are going to go flying down my street with no thought of stopping Could you shut your music off? That's all I am saying

Biggest Cry Baby

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Last night I was watching the Biggest loser It was make over week They would show a persons before picture than they came out after their make over And I sobbed like a baby Mom and the girl were on msn boohooing right with me They showed Ashley (pictured above) who asked her mom at beginning of the show. What If I cant do it? Her mom replied But, What if you can? Yes What if she can? AND she is A freaking MOM moment I want to be that MOM!! What if you can??!!!' BOOHOOO SOB GASP OMG I was a mess Hubby was not in the house for first part of show so he came in last half During weigh ins Thin hubby who has never had a weight problem EVER Who thought he would be funny making snarky remarks Man boob jokes Fat butt jokes I kept telling him to hush Please dont I love this show it inspires me I mean come on since it started I have lost a pound I even joined Curves He kept going on and on though and finally....... I lost it I mean whacko lost it yelling At on

No Tommy!

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One of my favourite blogs to read is Ann Leary located here She has written two fantastic books, her blog is funny and she shares lots with her readers. Oh and her husband it that one guy Denis Leary. Today she took her flip cam out while she took her horse Mark out for his ride. She makes it look so easy! The one time I have been on a horse was during a cruise excusion I call this picture So Not Us My chubby friend and I were waiting around the coral and watched as the guides singled us out crying Here MAMMA You MAMMAS Over here MAMMAS Oh that must be the word for FAT ARSE you over there! Fat ARSE Mamma come here. After singling us out they put us on the biggest horses in the corral Yes Mamma must  mean fat. Everyone was told to get to know their horse by name Seabreeze Misty Golden girl and of couse mine GREG Watch out Greg Bites Watch out Greg likes to gallop Watch out dont put Greg by the other horses he likes to kick On top of this they pronounced

Diva takes a Dive

I was at me fav hangout of late Walmart Who can diss Walmart? They have everything! It's all so cheap too! Instead of a the normal type Walmart cashier (I am not judging) they had a cute guy working it. He was a big flirt too. This guy had a definite MILF fetish going on Thank you DEMI! I was thoroughly enjoying myself and he seemed to be too. The woman behind me was getting quite annoyed at how slow he was scanning my many purchases I was secretly thrilled and happy I had done my hair make up nails and forgot to put my big wedding ring back on and dressed all trendy I swear I didnt look a day over 35 DONT you judge me internet! Anywhoo............ What fun. But then The stupid register asked him to compare signatures I had to show him my ID With the WORST PICTURE ever on it. Big fat big hair triple chin picture With my AGE on it Ugh I totally saw his face fall so much for check out boy fantasies Stupid whoever is in charge of the universe and their twiste

Stop Looking at Me

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This is how Goober stares at me when he catches me eating frosting out of a can Yah there is an AHA moment to be sure Not to worry Goober, I have thrown the frosting away and even joined curves yesterday PS Dear readers, I pride myself on my blog being shallow and fluff and something to laugh at. I dont really delve into deep things on my blog nor in my own life. Yes I try to be as carefree and shallow as my blog pretends to be. I dont always get away with it because some things do touch me, they strike me at the core of my being and make me ashamed at how flippant I treat my life and the things in it. This blog however: http://alzheimersandmomblog.blogspot.com/ Titled simply Mom, Me and Alzhimers humbles me on a per entry basis. If you think there are not angels walking on earth disguised as humans, read this woman' blog. Read this womans blog and see if you really have anything in your life worth complaining about. I know I don't 

So Not Right

I type a lot at my at home job Like ...ALOT Anyway I have never had a problem with wrist pain or anything like that. I have kind of always thought the typists who did are lazy,sitting wrong, whiney, you get the picture. Yes I am obnoxious that way. Something wrong with you? YOU must be doing it wrong. Wouldn't I make a great friend? LOL No fear internet karma has bit me in the ARSE My left thumb is like useless My left hand can not have any pressure on it. If I do use it I fall to my knees and scream in pain(ok not really but I could oh yes I could!) I also couldn't open my own medicine bottle Who the heck makes those bottles? I couldn't open the Aspercreme either Is that a sick joke or what, shrink wrapping it and a stupid pull off tab Are you kidding me? Anyway what is really wrong What is so not RIGHT Is I evidently haul my big fat ARSE out of the tub mainly using my LEFT HAND Yes I was stuck in the tub Because my big fat above mentioned arse is too

On Becoming a Woman

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The girl is on a diet She put some weight on when she was going to school ,working full time .moving out to start her own life and getting married erm so in other words STRESS She is doing great Of course it is hard work as we all know Up days and down days. We got to talking how our entire self perception can change from day to day Never mind you weigh the exact same Never mind you been carrying that weight around for awhile and our honeys still love us. No we have days like this. I love my curves Im so hot Look at my cleavage Omg I am a cow Look away I am hideous Lets go dancing Woot I am shaking my arse I am too sexy for my shirt. I want to try the pole Wahhh My butt is huge Why does it jiggle Get away dont touch me Why dont you want to touch me I love this shirt It looks so good on me Ugh this shirt is huge I look like someones grandma This is a moo moo My jeans are so fat Yay I got in my jeans Look at my butt Wiggle wiggle Erm yah, and that ca

Fast Diet Fast Food

I have been on a diet of some sort since I started this blog (forever really) I weigh exactly 1 pound more than when I started blogging over a year ago But I have lost a lot of weight, sadly its just the weight i kept putting back on Anyway I found out from Weight Watchers and their point system that there are lots of fast foods you can eat and stay under 300 calories a meal Such as 6 pc Mcnugget Single Cheeseburger Wendys Chili Soft Shell Tacos Reg Roast Beef from Arbies Yay I can be lazy and eat right too!

Decisions Decisions

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For lunch today I could have one of these   Or one of these   or I could have this cholate turtle the size of a baby's fist    So what did I choose? I ate them all of course  LOL

Handy!

Mom calls to wake me out of my 10 hour slumber I am stuck in the alley My alley? No My alley Ugh Nevermind OK Click I call her back, Ok let me get dressed I throw on a pair of heavy jeans that I cant zip up over my fat gut Throw on a long sweater to cover open zipper Put hubby's hoody on and stumble down my alley to get to her alley On the way I am thinking what the heck, how am I going to get her out? I am out of breath walking over here. She should have put some weight in her trunk AHA Moment Open your trunk says I What Open the trunk I am going to sit in it My massive weight gave her the traction to get it moving Then we rocked it back and forth until she could back back in driveway and go out the other side of her paved parking lot See! Being fat does come in handy

Mom Knows

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Her: What is that? Me: What? Her: There is something in the side of your chair, a sticker or something? Me: (looking) Oh no there isnt. Thats nothing. Her: Oh its nothing? What is it? HIM: It's probably a candy wrapper ME: FINE! Rips out candy wrapper,another,and yet another. ME: Fine!Fine! They are candy wrappers. Here look! There are lots of them. Fine I am weak! Weak I say! Him: I knew that is what it was Her: Sorry LOL I cant get away with anything How do they do that?

Someone Must Care

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I am so out of blog content. I sit around in a stuper in my boring life and wonder why I bothered starting a blog and why anyone would bother reading it. So desperate for inspiration, I bought this book It is a great book. Like the title says bloggers have to refrain from blogging for the sake of blogging and not just list what we had for lunch. Because that is boring. Telling people what you did all day and had for lunch is mind numbing and silly. But.......... Do people eat like I do? I dont think so. I had a bag of these for lunch. After that, I ate a box of these. Come on! How can that be boring LOL