Getting Funky in a Funk

Arent Women suppose to be hardcore nursemaids, caretakers, housekeepers, invincible warriors on the home front?
Do they not take pride in their home, cooking, care, motherly ways and womenly loving shkills.

If so I have to say when it comes to myself, Epic Fail

Todays example:

Changed kitty litter, dry heaved and threw up in garbage bag during entire process.
Made a ham and cheese omelet, discovered no butter for toast, but had butter flavord crisco left over from baking, tried to pass it off on unsuspecting hubby.
Brushed golden retriever long shedding hair on porchs,couldnt find his dog brush, used hubby's instead telling myself I will clean it before he notices.
Forgot to take trash bag with me so threw hair clumps in recycle bin.
Made homemade bread in bread machine on express bake, middle not done so served from sides instead.
Overslept till 1pm, used washcloth on body,parts I could reach, and sprayed body spray on remaining offending parts.
Slumping around in same clothes for two days,decided to change and sprayed fabreeze on a pair of sweats that may or may not be clean
Spit on glasses wiping them on shirt in order to see out of them.
Dried a plate before serving the omelette on above mentioned sweat covered arse

Good lord I need a serious self help program and a housewife intervention
Now that would be a great show for Dr Drew.