Golden Nuggets
Being the worldly mature wise woman that I am, I thought I would share with my dear friend THE INTERNET some of the golden nuggets of wisdom I have accumulated over the years.
If a dog eats a tampon it comes out whole.
If you mow over it in the yard puffs of white confetti shoot out the side.
If you have hemorrhoids and wear a girdle, it will speed healing and ease pain
Caffeine withdraws causes severe headaches and can take weeks to go away.
When your kids are older they won’t talk of the trip to Disneyland but will go on about the times you sat under their fort and played Babies.
EX-Smokers are not preachy pushy because they want to help you, they miss smoking and you are enjoying it way too much.
Some women love to complain
There isn’t much you can’t buy.
If you sing out loud in your car at the top of your lungs with your kids they will do the same with theirs.
If you do it with your husband they will tell you to shut up
Video games are addicting
Some people don’t want to laugh
Be advised that not all of these are from personal experience but I have the rest on good authority ;)
If a dog eats a tampon it comes out whole.
If you mow over it in the yard puffs of white confetti shoot out the side.
If you have hemorrhoids and wear a girdle, it will speed healing and ease pain
Caffeine withdraws causes severe headaches and can take weeks to go away.
When your kids are older they won’t talk of the trip to Disneyland but will go on about the times you sat under their fort and played Babies.
EX-Smokers are not preachy pushy because they want to help you, they miss smoking and you are enjoying it way too much.
Some women love to complain
There isn’t much you can’t buy.
If you sing out loud in your car at the top of your lungs with your kids they will do the same with theirs.
If you do it with your husband they will tell you to shut up
Video games are addicting
Some people don’t want to laugh
Be advised that not all of these are from personal experience but I have the rest on good authority ;)
I have never smoked save for one cigarette after a dream I had about a cigarette tasting really good (it didn't), so can't speak for that but...
ReplyDeletethe caffeine withdrawal headaches...so very true. I have one right now and called and demanded that hubby bring me caffeinated diet pepsi rather than this decaffeinated crap he bought.
Funny post! As always!
LOL so very true I lmao thinking of Dad telling you to shut up... I belt it out in the car and Fiance just looks at me like I'm retarded.
ReplyDeleteaww thank you i should have really said EX smokers LOL
ReplyDeleteaww yah they just dont get how singing offspring aat top of your lungs is fun
ReplyDeleteAs always you made me smile with your words of wisdom. You are such a brilliant lady. Don't let that go to your head.
ReplyDeletehehe never happen
ReplyDelete