Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know I told you to get lost years ago when I was a young poor kid and you were either too busy to come see me or scared of the neighbor’s pit bull, whatever chubs, but I will give you one more chance.

Since that day I vowed to work hard and never ask any man (especially the fat hairy type who can only come out once a year and pass judgment whilst scarfing cookies and milk) for anything. I pretty much buy it all for me by me thank you very much.

Being the kind hearted forgiving type that I am; I will give you one more chance.
Please bring me the following for Christmas.

Oh and by the way fat man I have been good, very good, the type of good that you don’t want to tell your wife or mother about but that you sit around in a stupor for days remembering good! mm kay?

Any of these will suffice and redeem your soul in my eyes:

-The magic diet pill (There are magic pills for men whose parts don’t or shouldn’t work, where is mine?)
-Shoes and not just any shoes either the ones that make me quit having to buy more shoes. I want those
-Same thing in boots
-Same in handbags. Give it up man I am tired of constantly finding the one and then not being satisfied.
-Pay my Visa
-Pay my MasterCard

That’s it fat boy one little list and I am sure you can fulfill such a small one too being all powerful and all that.
Aren’t you the one they moan about taking over the real meaning of Christmas
Bring it.

Love
Just me

Ps Make sure you clean up after your stupid pets too. I didn’t make you cookies but I bought you some. Those Choco covered Reese ones. OMG they are so good you are going to love them. Never mind I ate them all. You are too fat anyway. Do not forget my pills!

pss I am clever but not so clever to think of this by myself
check out: Lazy Housewife