Mandatory Blog Here

My Fat Arsed Mii So I been faithfully working out every day Like a lot! I do the wii fit for 20 mins(aerobics) plus yoga I do the bike for 10 as fast as I can pedal. I end up drenched in sweat out of breath all hot and miserable But that is fine because that is what you have to do right? Two weeks I haven't lost one pound! I am exactly the same. Stupid working out is not enough I am going to have to go on a stupid diet too Dammit So stupid Meh Stupid diets Stupid mii looks like a beach ball with legs I may be fat but it all in my T and A LOL so funny

Me: I am doing yoga Him: I know I can tell you look great. Me: I have only been doing it a week Him: Yah but you have that glow you look fantastic. Me: Anywhoo, this one position really really hurts my back. Him: Show me Me: Grunt pant twist ughh owwwww "Tadah" Him: That is very good Me: Yes doesn't that look like it hurts, wouldn't that hurt your back too? Him: Yes it looks very painful when you do it Me: What do you mean when I do it? Him: I mean if I did it and was in the shape you are in, it would probably hurt. Him: I mean I work out more than you do that's all Him: You look great Him: I bet lots of women couldn't do that Me: You can shut up now Him: ok Him: Your hair is pretty Me: Bite me

First work out a lot so you feel like you can cheat just a little. Tell hubby yes you can go buy (stupid man purchase request) if you pick me up a candy bar too. Discover frozen cookie dough in your freezer Stop riding the stationary bike to eat a coney dog And there you have it. See pretty easy isn't it!

I worked out this morning. Goober looks at me the entire time as if aliens have invaded my body and he doesnt know what is wrong with me. He cocks his head to the side and whines. He is probably confused because of all the odd noises I am making. Transcript below: Wii Fit vs Me WF: You're a little shaky ME: Piss off WF: Well done keep it up ME: Gah ouch Hurry up WF: Good job! Come back every day to improve. You get 1 fitness point! ME: Geezo for #$%# SAKE! 1 point?? WF: Keep going you are half way there. ME: Gasp pant ugh huff puff gah Goober: whines ME: Goober get out of here go lay down. WF: You've unlocked a new strenth exercise ME: Gasp ugh puff Bike vs Me along with ipod 1 min: If you like it you shoulda put a ring on it 2 min: La la la la lah lah 3 min: Gasp huff puff ugh argh ring on it ugh 4 min: You're sex is on ....gasp ugh pant...fire 5 min: huff gasp argh pant DESIRE Honestly I dont know why he gets so upset or worried

Sometimes you think you would like to lose weight to feel better. Sometimes you delude yourself into thinking a few pounds never hurt anyone. But you know you are fat when: You work up a sweat when doing your hair and make up All the tied bows of your shoes are on the side. (crossing legs to reach them) All your jeans have ripped belt loops (from using them to pull them up) You spend a half hour trying to find your fat jeans on your bloated days and realize you have them on. The belt loops are torn off them. You wonder if you can buy an antiperspirant for under your boobs You got excited hearing they make a cream that prevents skin damage from your thighs rubbing together You ask your skinny friend what she has in her pocket and realize it her hip bone You do the parade wave so your underarms dont jiggle as much People ask you if you lost weight because your face looks thinner. You would never dream of getting on a scale unless you were naked and went to toilet first. You wish you coul

Yes dear internet I was wrong! The Wii fit does work Eat right do 20 mins a day and I am down 4 pounds in one week Yay Plus Goober with his loose leash walking, that works too He is actually catching on after numerous lessons and we managed walked around the block. Yay exercise does work Who knew

I caved in and hooked up the Wii Fit After acting all nice and friendly it asked how tall I was Then seemingly innocent like asked for my birthdate Then it made ominous calculating noises and screamed in bright red letters that I was OBESE and have the fitness age of someone 12 years older than me. As if that isnt bad enough It made my Mii Fat and hunched over and trembly. Lastly it offered to password protect my stats assuming I would want to hide them in shame. Guess what Wii Fit Everyone already knows I am old and fat So the joke is on YOU. I still drive a hotter car than you! So There! Any way buy yours here: Believe it or not as obnoxious as it acts it was quite fun and I managed to do 20 minutes.

Ok ,I know that wii fit is all the rage And I suppose it is good for a work out But me being such a lazy creature, I thought dance dance revolution would give me a good work out But when did video games become so rude? After trying hopelessly to keep up with the stupid arrows It would yell at me to stop looking with my eyes and feel the beat The word boo shows up if you miss a step It grades you And a big fat FAIL shows up at end. I was hoping this would be a bit kinder then guitar hero They tend to BOOOO you off stage And throw bottles at your rocker. No way am I getting a wii fit I heard they change your avatar in the shape of what you weigh on the fit board So mine would be what? Round , fat and sweaty? Um no thanks! LOL But the good news is At least I am moving a bit!

I had 5 days off from my day job and was overwhelmed with so much time and what to do with myself Below is a sample how I spent all my time unproductively Slept A LOT Prepared three different meals on my own Ate out twice Got nails done Bought myself clothes while shopping for his bday gift Ate frosting out of a can Figured out how to add friends to my Wii Played guitar hero alot (I made the virtual cover of a Korean mag.) Went to see Marly and me Purchased Mario Kart online Decided I really need to work lots of hours as am a slug if I dont.

Charming Amazon kindle Guitar hero Him doing grocery shopping Bubble baths Big soft towels A day inside Annoying 3 month backorder on kindle (Really? 3 months? Seriously?) He isn’t getting into GH with me (Prolly cuz he sucks at it hehe) No food in house Knocks at door during bubble baths (Go outside!Isn’t that a male pride thing anyway?) No clean clothes (Wth my housecleaner has gone AWOL) 7 hours online job (Does my evil twin book these or what?) Resolutions 1. Get rich 2. Get thin I am pretty sure I can buy everything else or charm it out of someone if I accomplish those two things. Bring it.

I like to think I am a strong confident woman. I normally am quite good at convincing myself that I am There are certain moments that those carefully crafted illusions come crashing down. Over the last couple days I confess to the following: Asked him to go to store as I couldn’t face the crowds After the ice storm had him take me to work not just one day but also day after The entrée I was to bring into work dinner didn’t turn out Panic attack when daughter didn’t answer cell phone after ice storm Called numerous times even though I knew she wasn’t answering Called her fiancé numerous times even though he wasn’t answering Texted her BFF phone frantically even though I wasn’t sure I had the number right Told my mother about it so we could FEED OFF each others fears in detail. Stalked her, his and her bff facebook, myspace, twitter to see last log in. Ate all the raw cookie dough in two days After failing to get my jeans zipped spent twenty minutes searching for fat jeans, only to reali

Dear Santa, I know I told you to get lost years ago when I was a young poor kid and you were either too busy to come see me or scared of the neighbor’s pit bull, whatever chubs, but I will give you one more chance. Since that day I vowed to work hard and never ask any man (especially the fat hairy type who can only come out once a year and pass judgment whilst scarfing cookies and milk) for anything. I pretty much buy it all for me by me thank you very much. Being the kind hearted forgiving type that I am; I will give you one more chance. Please bring me the following for Christmas. Oh and by the way fat man I have been good, very good, the type of good that you don’t want to tell your wife or mother about but that you sit around in a stupor for days remembering good! mm kay? Any of these will suffice and redeem your soul in my eyes: -The magic diet pill (There are magic pills for men whose parts don’t or shouldn’t work, where is mine?) -Shoes and not just any shoes either the ones tha

- Overslept -Threw hastily washed turkey in oven no stuffing or prep -Checked to see if pies made in half drunken haze last night had set up properly -Pleased they looked good and proud of self. -Wondered if they tasted as good as they looked -Ate 1/4 of pie with warm soda, while trying to work online job -Dropped pie face down on laptop -Vivid vision of the Fat police with guns drawn saying "Walk away from the pie lady and no one gets hurt"