Friday, May 28, 2010

Life Lessons

I told you before about my Aunt Kate
Here  when she made a beautiful quilt
Here when she taught me how to be truly zen
But I haven't told you about my Uncle

Her partner while raising 8 screaming kids, frequent visits from her favorite niece(ME),and any other neighborhood kid who happen to tank a fancy to us all.
Her other half was Uncle Norm

For some reason to this day a lot of her kids call him Norm
I don't remember how it got started but he didn't like it so it only made them call him Norm more often and I found it quite funny

To me though he was always Uncle Norm
Ok to be honest he was UNCKEE Norm

Uncle Norm taught me many things

I learned to cuss like a sailor when you are driving
I learned comb overs never stay in place
I learned grecian formula 1 doesnt work that well
I learned that if you dont brush your teeth they will fall out but your 70 year old uncle would rather keep that last one left than let the dentist pull it.
I learned you could paint a car with a gallon of cheap paint and a roller if you didnt care how it looked.
I learned grown men can run screaming when a bat gets in the house
I learned married men look at women and go holy S#$t look at that and can say oh she has a nice dress to cover their tracks
I learned how to play poker,spades,solitaire,and euchre
I learned how to cheat at cards
I learned if you steal the neighbors toys you have to take them back
I learned no matter how poor you are or how many kids you have you have room for your wifes sister and bratty neice
I learned no matter how many kids are around you can make one feel like they are your favourite
I learned you can make a buck lots of ways no matter what your education level
I learned you can take a station wagon full of kids to the lake, have three flat tires on way there and back and still want to go the next weekend
I learned how to swim because your Uncle wont let you go under and is always holding on
I learned how to fish but never how to bait a hook because Uncles like doing that best
I learned you can drive a car for years with no license(although I dont recommend it)
I learned you can go years with out paying your taxes (I dont recommend that either)
I learned that when you finally talk your Uncle into doing taxes and he gets audited he still calls you Honey.
I learned you can love a man with no class, no money, no looks, because he has a huge heart
I learned how much it means to take a child in your heart no matter how busy you are and make them feel special
I learned when he died how much I really loved him

Miss you Unckeeee  Norm

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What is Wrong with YOU?

You might remember, I pay my mom to clean my house 3 days a week
This makes me act kind of like , oh I dont know a big sloppy teen.
Today she came over and convo went like this.

Her: Are these clothes dirty
Me: No I am selling them on ebay
Her: Oh so you are going to ship them
Me: No, no one bought them.
Her: OH, So you threw this towel over them because?
Me: No I had that towel on the window to block out the sun.
Her..blink blink
Me: The sun shine through the curtains I wanted a nap.
Her: But why is it on the floor.
Me: I didnt want hubby to know and ripped it off right before he got home.
Her: What is wrong with you?


Indeed dear internet
What is wrong with me? :)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I Love TV

All the seasons are wrapping up with their finales
You know you watch wayyy too much tv in the winter time when you are excited about the finales.
But tonight is the Biggest Loser
This one I am really excited about.
I hope Ashley wins
If she doesn't win I hope she gets all her weight off.
She is so young and beautiful
Being the mother of a young beautiful daughter myself my heart just melts for her.
So is it sad I am excited about a television show?
Ok ok lets be honest here.
Television shows as in plural
Yes I have become one of those women
18 months ago I didnt have time to watch tv
18 months ago working full time and at home business, I didn't have time for friends family or anything.
Yes I have become one of those boring women now who has to plan to go to the store because it is such a BIG ORDEAL going out.
I mean you have to get dressed and everything.
Do your hair right?
So you know it is a big deal
I enjoy having company and I plan out meals to cook.
Yay Spagetti tonight and last night was deep fried dinner night, dont ask
haha

Cant say I am hating it though
I like it quite a bit.
Next month:
Rescue me
True blood is back
and the pool opens at my daughters place
Bring it on summer!

Friday, May 21, 2010

He is ALL MINE Ladies

Me: Look at my tan!
Him: What is that on your elbow?
Me: That's a mole.
Him: I never noticed that before?
Me: Its always been there, bending, holding arm to look at mole.
Him: Did it get bigger?
Me: No!
Him: What's on your nails?
Him: Is that dirt under your nails?
Me: WTH NO!  That is aa nail design. I got my nails done.
Him: Oh it looked like dirt under your nails.
Me: This is why you never get any.
Him: I guess I am a dumb A#$#s
Me: Yes you are.
Him But I am all yours
Me: Yes you are my dumb A$$

YAY me!

PS here is a pic of my nails


I think they look nice but what would a dumb man know anyway about nails

Monday, May 17, 2010

I Spy .........An Old Woman

Me: Did you send Grandma that Cat Link
Her: I AM NOT CATHOLIC
Her: Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Me: No I asked her if she sent you that CAT LINK
Me: Show her on your iphone
Her: Wait I gotta find my glasses
Me: They are on your head 

HAHA

Anywhooo...Here is the Cat LINK:

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Contest winner

First thank you for entering

and our winner is ............

cstironkat

watch your email for verification

Friday, May 14, 2010

Where is Link?

My stupid laptop which I LOVE was broken
The keyboard was stuck on OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as in oooo lady give me a break I am sooooo tired of you.
Or maybe it was OOOOOOMG not you again
Could have been GOOOOOOOO away I am so sick of you.
I like to think its because I work so much my keyboards cant keep up with me
I have had to replace very single keyboard on every laptop I have owned
I am sure its because I am so productive and not because I type with big huge paws pounding out misspelled words in random grammatically incorrect sentences, all Neanderthal man like.

Link?
Where is Link?
I dont know he is missing
HA!

But anyway I got it back today because my good friend was able to just install a new keyboard for me
So Yah I am back baby!
Did you miss me?

PS he is very reasonable and clever so if you need puter help email me and I will hook you up.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Shopping Diva YES Shopping Genius NO

CONTEST CLOSED THANKS FOR ENTERING

I love to shop
Always have
Doesnt mean I am a smart shopper

Once I went to this flea market with hubby and daughter I think she was about 6
This beautiful man was running some counter with antiques and crap
Hubby wandered off and I bolted over there to see him...erm I mean his booth.
I mean this guy was a god like creature fallen down to earth selling his wares

He was quite the flirt too.
I am quite the flirt
We were flirting so shamelessly the girl yelled at him in her 6 year old high pitch voice
SHES MARRIED
SHUT UP says I and that bottle is lovely
Yes its an antique perfume bottle
I have 100$ on it and you can have it for 65$
Heres my card if you have any questions
Swoooooon..........
Thank you cartoon muscle bulging Johnny Depp look alike but you are 6ft2 antinque dealer man

The next week I saw the same bottle at Kohls for 10$
Yes I am that easy and stupid
meh

ANY WHOOOO how about a contest?
What is your dumbest purchase?

Leave a comment telling us for one entry
Follow my blog on google for a second entry
Blog about this contest on your blog for two more entries
let me know you did on your comment
I will post the winner on Sunday MAY 16th 7pm EST from a random drawing.

The winner will get what else 25$ walmart card to go SHOPPING

YAY

Sunday, May 9, 2010

On Being a Mom

My daughters very first words were thank you
She was always handing me crap when she was young
Her Rattle
Her stuffed pig
Her Teddy
and being clueless why she was handing them to me I would just say Thank you
So erm those were her first words
Her second was Daddy
Evidently he was more fun to play with than me.
My cousin's first boy named Nevin, if you asked him what his name was would proudly exclaim
I am NO NEVIN NO
So I suppose it could be worse.
My girl also use to say everything was some
SOME pointing at candy
SOME reaching for your glass
As in I WANT SOME!
Because I use to always ask her when she pointed at things
Do you want SOME?
Yeah I wasnt very good at teaching her to talk
She made up for it later.
the Tween years she started talking a lot and never stopped
But thats ok too
I love being a mom even though I never wanted kids
I love knowing all the answers
shhh internet dont tell her I dont have them
She thinks I do which is good enough
But now....I love having her for a friend
I am glad I can stop being a mom most of the time now and can be her friend.
I would say she was my best friend
But my best friend is MY MOM
She will just have to wait her turn :)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Divas are Born not Made

I saw one of those Captcha verification thingies you have to type in when you leave a comment or something on a web page
It was
But Melodies
That is what I am going to call my farts from now on
Butt Melodies

HAHA

My mom use to yell at me  What do you think you  pee rosewater or something, when I was being all uppity and snooty as a young girl

Yes dear internet I was always a bit of a Diva even when we were dirt poor and on food stamps
I think it just comes natural

So from now on I do not Fart
My butt is just singing to you!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Garage Sales Diva Style

It's that time of year
Spring is here
You know what that means to this shopping diva, don't you?
Garage sales!
I love garage sales
But being a techno geek type diva we cant just be looking at newspapers
NO NO that is so so ....80s
What the stylish woman to do now?

You need this ap
Garage sale tracker
Available on iphone
Don't have an iphone?
No worries they are giving two of them away
FREE
TWO OF THEM!
Woohoo

Contest is here
 http://www.garagesalestracker.com/free-iphone-give-away.asp

Track sales in your area
Use the iphones GPS to map them
Use the iphones internet to see if you can sell your purchases on ebay
Use it to calculate costs
Just you know........ use it cuz it looks cool
Lets all enter this contest and do some serious shopping 2k style!

Good luck!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Biggest Cry Baby

Last night I was watching the Biggest loser
It was make over week
They would show a persons before picture than they came out after their make over
And I sobbed like a baby
Mom and the girl were on msn boohooing right with me
They showed Ashley (pictured above) who asked her mom at beginning of the show.
What If I cant do it?
Her mom replied
But, What if you can?

Yes What if she can?
AND she is
A freaking MOM moment
I want to be that MOM!!
What if you can??!!!'


BOOHOOO SOB GASP
OMG I was a mess

Hubby was not in the house for first part of show so he came in last half
During weigh ins
Thin hubby who has never had a weight problem EVER
Who thought he would be funny making snarky remarks
Man boob jokes
Fat butt jokes
I kept telling him to hush
Please dont I love this show it inspires me
I mean come on since it started I have lost a pound
I even joined Curves
He kept going on and on though and finally.......
I lost it
I mean whacko lost it yelling
At one point I screamed
You need to F%$^king respect the SHOW
RESPECT THE SHOW you skinny Bastard


Anywhooooooooooooo...........
He went to bed and then I ate the left over spagetti he had packed for his lunch.

This morning I started my lovely lady times and said I guess that was why I was so emotional last night.
Sorry.....
Hes like he always is and said oh I thought that might be it no worries blah blah blah hugs kiss

A few minutes later he yells out

Where is my lunch?

YOU NEED TO RESPECT THE f%^%^KING lunch.
Respect the LUNCH!!!

Indeed .....I agree ;)

Monday, May 3, 2010

No Tommy!

One of my favourite blogs to read is Ann Leary
located here
She has written two fantastic books, her blog is funny and she shares lots with her readers.
Oh and her husband it that one guy Denis Leary.
Today she took her flip cam out while she took her horse Mark out for his ride.
She makes it look so easy!

The one time I have been on a horse was during a cruise excusion


I call this picture So Not Us

My chubby friend and I were waiting around the coral and watched as the guides singled us out crying

Here MAMMA
You MAMMAS
Over here MAMMAS

Oh that must be the word for FAT ARSE you over there! Fat ARSE Mamma come here.

After singling us out they put us on the biggest horses in the corral
Yes Mamma must  mean fat.
Everyone was told to get to know their horse by name
Seabreeze
Misty
Golden girl
and of couse mine

GREG

Watch out Greg Bites
Watch out Greg likes to gallop
Watch out dont put Greg by the other horses he likes to kick
On top of this they pronounced my name as TOMMY not Tammy

NOOOO Tommy slow down
No Tommy dont scream so loud you are making GREG mad.
Tommy dont go there
Tommy hold on

After miles of trails through some god forsaken woods we got to the beach where they said dismount, they took off their saddles and we got to ride them BAREBACK in the ocean.
This is not as romantic or refreshing as it sounds.
For one thing Greg thought it was a race and even with this fat mamma on his back he was determined to win!
Biting, kicking and pushing his way through the herd we came in first!
All the while listening to guides yell NO TOMMY DONT

I am pleased to say that I managed not to fall off and break my neck.

And really internet isnt that all one can hope for out of life at times ;)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Hmm Can I collect info on my readers?

I am testing forms
Help me out and fill out this form see if it works or not
If it does I have some fun polls in mind



Thanks for your help
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