Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Coming to a Town near ME!!!!

I bought my mother tickets to see Craig Ferguson's comedy show
In a town near by US!!!
I told her last night and she so happy
I got up at 5am  and wth???she is still up
I am too excited to sleep she says
Erm ok YAY
Go to bed
I call her at 1230 and ask her if she wants to go to where else?

Her: When
Me: Do you still need a shower?
Her: I was going to do that now
Me: You said you doing it yesterday that is why you couldn't tan
Her: Yah I was too excited last night
Me: So what did you do all night? Sit around and grin?
Her: Shut up I'll take one now give me a half hour

I wish I could get that excited about something
Don't you dear internet?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Diva takes a Dive

I was at me fav hangout of late
Who can diss Walmart?
They have everything!
It's all so cheap too!
Instead of a the normal type Walmart cashier (I am not judging) they had a cute guy working it.
He was a big flirt too.
This guy had a definite MILF fetish going on
Thank you DEMI!
I was thoroughly enjoying myself and he seemed to be too.
The woman behind me was getting quite annoyed at how slow he was scanning my many purchases
I was secretly thrilled and happy I had done my hair make up nails and forgot to put my big wedding ring back on and dressed all trendy
I swear I didnt look a day over 35
DONT you judge me internet!

What fun.
But then
The stupid register asked him to compare signatures
I had to show him my ID
With the WORST PICTURE ever on it.
Big fat big hair triple chin picture
With my AGE on it
I totally saw his face fall
so much for check out boy fantasies
Stupid whoever is in charge of the universe and their twisted sense of humor.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Style by ME

I mentioned earlier here that I wanted to do some redecorating this year.
My house is old and crappy and a bit like the Addams family mentioned here.
I dont much care what my furniture looks like I am quite pleased with myself that it matches.
Well it did at one time.
On second thought after only replacing a piece at a time when I absolutely have to I suppose they dont match any longer.
To be honest I have every single color in my living space possible
Red ,Mauve, Green ,Brown ,Tan, Blue and nicotine white.
Also every color of wood.
Ok never mind I am not much of a decorator or a housekeeper for that matter.
If I had my way I would live in hotels and tear out the walls ALA Joe Cocker
I was proud of my day bed and sent a picture to my very stylish friend who said it looked "comfortable"
Hey I know a nice insult when I hear one.
Yes it is, I pushed ,but what do you think of it.
"It isnt something I would have but it fits in with your living room nicely."
Yah ok I get it

Anywhoo I decided rather then buy new curtains why not wash the ones I  have
They just look nasty because they never have been washed and are all kinds of stained with huge dust bunnies on them
After ripping them down, Falling over on Goober, I went in search of a broom to clean off ceiling.
Do we not have a broom?
Where is it?
Hmm, I wonder if this dried out mop will work.

I washed and dried all my curtains, struggled to put them all up, and stood back to admire my day of hard work.

Why are they all wrinkly?
Do I have to iron them?
Who has an iron
I dont have an iron

I am just going to buy new ones
Or maybe not
Maybe it will start a new trend
As my friend would say, it fits in nicely with the rest of my living room

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Stop Looking at Me

This is how Goober stares at me when he catches me eating frosting out of a can
Yah there is an AHA moment to be sure
Not to worry Goober, I have thrown the frosting away and even joined curves yesterday

PS Dear readers, I pride myself on my blog being shallow and fluff and something to laugh at. I dont really delve into deep things on my blog nor in my own life. Yes I try to be as carefree and shallow as my blog pretends to be. I dont always get away with it because some things do touch me, they strike me at the core of my being and make me ashamed at how flippant I treat my life and the things in it. This blog however:
Titled simply Mom, Me and Alzhimers humbles me on a per entry basis.
If you think there are not angels walking on earth disguised as humans, read this woman' blog.
Read this womans blog and see if you really have anything in your life worth complaining about.
I know I don't 

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Trying too Hard

I have always worried a bit about trying to look too young

Is this skirt too short

Do these nails look stupid

Are they too long

Is the colour design too crazy

Do I look silly in my sports car

Should I tan just a little or a lot.

But now I have figured out the answer

Tanning today I am starting to think I may be too old.

First off the girls running it are like 80 pounds

They're hairstyles seem crazy

They wear way too many rings and good lord cover yourself up its not that hot outside

But what is really getting me thinking is ......the music

They play music in there and its all like WAY TOO LOUD

What is that screeching guitar sound?

Good lord why are the songs so long?

Yup I think I am getting old.

I will just have to take my ipod and listen to my old timey music next time.

Maybe an audio self help book


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was our anniversary
24 years!
I have been married longer than I was single,
Anyway people seem impressed and ask us how we do it
So here you go dear internet just for you .

The secret to a long marriage.

Sometimes, two people ,after living together a long time, dont like each other ALL the TIME.
They annoy each other.
I know they love each other, dedicate their lives to one another, blah blah blah
Sometimes, they get an urge to slam a fork in the other ones head for breathing through his Stupid nose so loud.
But .....
Wait for it here is the wisdom......

You continue to be polite.
Pretend its an annoying coworker you have to put up with to keep your job.
Pretend it is an annoying family member during the holidays.
Pretend it is a random stranger who is in line behind you and making that awful noise

I promise, the urge will pass and you will like each other again.

He will do something sweet and you will forget all about that urge to scream
For the love of all that is good in the world will you just shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
He will run and get you a Starbucks if you are working or surprise you by saying he likes your laugh.
It will be something small and insignificant just like the nose breathing and you will like him again.

I promise

And there you have it.

PS I was quite shocked when after reading this to him and laughing, cackling evil like out loud he agreed with me. Surely he couldn't feel the same way about ME at times?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Creepy and Kookie

Spring is here
My town has lots of lovely colorful trees like this.

When we moved into our little home we had a cherry tree in our yard too.
It had beautiful birds like this living in it.

Then it was struck by lightening.
Now it looks like this

And these live in it
Yes we are slowly but surely becoming the Addams Family of our town


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Ten Signs to Quit

It has been over a year since I quit my day job and went with my at home business and I have never been happier.
I like to joke that I quit my job a year before I left which is not fair to my past employer.
Here are 10 Signs that you should quit your day job.

You visualize sticking a pencil in the eye of a coworker every time you hear her fake booming laugh
You thow quarters in the mens urinal just to see them disapeer within an hour
You come in a half hour late take an extra half hour during lunch and leave an hour early
You secretly hope each summons to the bosses office is your dismissal
You never check your voice mail
You never read your email
You start throwing things away rather than file them and wonder when anyone will notice (sadly no one does)
You havent done your job properly in so long you have to ring tech support because you forgot your log ins
You dont know a coworker was on a two week vacation until they bring in pictures.
You cry on Mondays.

If any of these are you look for a new job RIGHT AWAY you wont be sorry

Friday, April 9, 2010

Walk this way.

I had to go to the court house to pay our property tax
I took my mother with me so I would look doubly sad trying to struggle to pay my property tax late
Poor me
Taking care my poor mother
Poor me dont I look sad and pathetic?
They were nice anyway and didnt care I paid late
Then they told me about some silly exemption that I wasnt aware existed would reduce my taxes by 1k a year and gave me some magical pink paper to apply.
20 years I have been paying 1000 dollars too much
20 years!
Now who is the pathetic one?

Anywho, I think our courthouse is lovely
All this marble for such a little town and the vaulted ceiling

We took the elavator up because mom said no way could she take those stairs.
She headed for the stairs to go down on way out.

Me: Dont you want to take the elavator
Her: Oh no going down is easy
Her: Ooooof, ugh. as she stumbles down two stairs catching herself
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg that is hilarious
Me: I am going to pee my pants
Her: Shut up
Me: Ok dont worry I wont blog about it
Her: What you doing
Me: Taking a pic of these steps
Her: Ugh you are so gonna blog about it

I couldnt resist dear internet.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Easter dinner was lovely
But, whenever the family gets together we have to go on and tell the stories.
Course we always laugh as it is quite comical
I love my family
They are all so funny and the best trait amongts them is we can laugh at ourselves
It's a good thing because when my brother and I get together we always start in on my mom.
This year she said we always laughed at her when she tried to discipline us.

Her: I dont know why you always laughed it would make me so mad.
Me: Thats because all you would do is yell, Stop looking stupid.
Bro: No sometimes she would yell Stop being stupid.
Me: Or tell you to Get your thumb out of your ARSE.
Bro: She get mad if you laughed too.
Me: I guess it made us look stupid.
Bro: No I think it made her look stupid is why she got mad.
Her: Oh dont be stupid.


Either way, she was hilarious.
And yes I do on occasion, still look stupid.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Where is it?

I love my adopted town
I have said it lots of times before on this blog
I love how quaint and silly the lifers are that grew up here.
I have lived all over and really feel at home in a city.
I would never have conversations like I do here in my smallish community

Convos like this:

School paper arrives home for girl years ago in show choir.
Time Date and location
Location was: Meet behind the old jail.
So I call the school
Where is this?
Behind the old jail.
I dont know where the new jail is have you an address
It is kitty korner to the Kruse building
Are you serious?
Yes you know the Kruse building!
I didnt know you named your buildings
Dont you have a street Addy
It's the NW corner off Main
So it's on Main?
No the Kruse building is on Main
I need a street addy or we wont be there.
Hold on...........
Finally some janitor got on and gave me an addy.


Isnt that just so cute?

Happy Easter

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