Sunday, February 28, 2010

Starving for affection

Pet me! No! Pet me!

You would think, looking at this picture, that these pets get no loving or attention.
In reality they are just jealous of each other and cant stand it if one is getting attention

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Im working or trying too
Goober is in the other room with one of his toys
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee squeaky says
Goober what do you have?
Stop it
Gooober comes in
I dont have anything
Goes in other room
I get up from working
Dang it (*&* you are driving me crazy.

I was sitting on it
It sounded far away because, my fat arse was muffling it
and evidently im so fat I dont even notice sitting on such things anymore
Sorry Goober
My Bad

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Monster Within

You are an idiot
Why are you being such an arsehole.
I am not being mean to Goober
He went in the litter box for gosh sakes!
He is lucky he doesn't  live on a chain in yard now
Goober go lay down
Goober get away from me.
Stop looking at me like that
I am not trying to pick a fight.
Boo hoo sob
That commercial is so sweet
Maybe I should go to a fat farm
I think I will
I spent hours researching one I am going to go for 3 months
What do you mean I cant go
You dont care about me
You are selfish
No I didnt get any sleep
I havent slept in 24 hours probably because of you and how you drive me insane.
Who can sleep.
I dont feel like working
Just because, what you mean why dont I feel like working
I got someone to cover
I don't know how long
Why should I work all the time
All I do is work
No one cares
They just want more more more
You all just want more more more the more I give more you want.
Its never about me always you you you 
No I don't want to go out
What the heck why would I want to go out
Like where are we going to go
This town is so small and stupid why do we live here, I hate living here.
We don't have the money
Oh the kids are coming over
blah blah haha lets play games lets have dinner blah blah chat laugh
What a great time
Our kids are so great
I love them
Wahh I love them so much
Boohoo I miss them

What do you mean am I getting ready to start?


Oh by the way, I started
I don't know why I was so mean
I don't know why you put up with me
Sniff honk blow nose
God who would want me
I am so mean
You should leave just go save yourself

I need a hug

WTH internet, why do women turn into such basket cases right before that time of month?
It is insane
When I look back at the last 24 hours I dont even know who that crazy woman is.
The worst part is it all seems so freaking logical at the time.
Like who wouldn't be mad and be screaming
What woman would put up with such things and not go off.
Why wouldn't I be crying, who wouldn't cry at an AT&T commercial about download speed.

Thank you friends, family, loved ones, internet lurkers, my commentators,and pets for putting up with me each month
Don't worry I am back to my normal self now just a bit embarrassed.
Mostly thank you dear hubby for understanding and forgiving all the horrible things I say to you each month.

Love you all


Wednesday, February 17, 2010



I posted this picture before showing you how we are hunkered down for the winter
But you can see my two pets, Goober and Beuhla get along very well.
They are very close.
She likes to lick his head 
He likes to lick her um....other end.
Since we got him as a puppy and she has always been friendly to other animals they are almost like siblings.

Ok bear with me I am going to go off topic but it does all tie in 

When Goober was a puppy, he was very easy to house break
He would always go peedies outside through the pet door.
However he would poo in house for quite a bit longer
I could never catch him in the act.
I would not scold him of course just clean it up and throw it away
He always watched me clean it up and we tried hard to catch him in act.
To be honest i have never seen him poo, he doesnt like to do it when anyone is watching
I can walk him two miles and he wont poo.(ok two blocks who am I kidding walk 2 miles)
Such a modest dog.
He started going right by the trash where I was throwing it away.
I am convinced if he could have got his butt up that high he would have went right in the trash can itself.
Next time I cleaned it up I threw it out his pet door.
He never went in house again.

Back to my pet siblings.
I mentioned the other day that I cleaned out the cats litter box, I even got her a bigger one.
Newspapers underneath it and got some fancy dancy fresh step type.


I caught Goober pooping in her litter box
I am not even lying.

I am sure he is thinking if she can why cant I

Erm no Goober
I put up the baby gate to the room where the box is.

Being close is one thing but YAH  I dont think so.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Decisions Decisions

For lunch today I could have one of these


Or one of these

or I could have this cholate turtle the size of a baby's fist 


So what did I choose?
I ate them all of course 

Monday, February 15, 2010

Red Faced

 I get on the scale and I am up 7 pounds
Then I notice my socks are like erm too tight
Oh wait I have not had any blood pressure pills for oh I dunno , a week
Boy was my face red LOL(get it? your face gets all red when your blood pressure is high)
Anywhoooo I went and got them filled so thought I better take 2 of them
Slept 10 hours they make you so sleepy
Pee'd 8 gallons I swear.
Woke up light headed
Took my bp it was like 110/70
Good lord I am almost dead
But hey I was down 6 pounds
Why does that make me think it was all worth it?
Not to fear internet, it is back to normal now
I am going to try slim fast for a few weeks to see if I can jumpstart my diet.
I am on day 3 and so far doing alright
2 shakes a sensible dinner, easy peasy right?
Only problem is my dinner keeps getting earlier and earlier
I think today I will have dinner at 3pm maybe 2:30 if i can hold out.
I figure if I am sleeping all the time with these stupid winter blues I might as well not eat.
I also have done my wii fit for 3 days. In a Row!! I know dont faint.
Stupid hula hoop who hulahoops for 10 minutes straight?
Evidently I do now.
I gotta lose some weight before summer.
Just keep chanting with me
spring spring spring will come.
How are you all coping with the winter blues anyone beside me feel like hibernating till its all over?

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sing, Sing a Song

Sometimes I break out in song for no reason.
Not any well known song.
Just random tunes in my head and I sing out whatever I am thinking.
This of course has drove my family nuts for years.
This morning dear hubby trying to be all snarky asked what my plans were for the day.
He implied I was going to sleep all day, again, like usual.
I busted out in my loudest proudest American Idol Audition type Singing Voice.

I sleep till one, while you work all day.
I make more money than you anyway!

After which I proceeded to laugh merrily and evil like.

He went to work without giving me my good bye kiss :(

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Mom calls to wake me out of my 10 hour slumber
I am stuck in the alley
My alley?
No My alley
I call her back,
Ok let me get dressed
I throw on a pair of heavy jeans that I cant zip up over my fat gut
Throw on a long sweater to cover open zipper
Put hubby's hoody on and stumble down my alley to get to her alley
On the way I am thinking what the heck, how am I going to get her out?
I am out of breath walking over here.
She should have put some weight in her trunk
AHA Moment
Open your trunk says I
Open the trunk I am going to sit in it
My massive weight gave her the traction to get it moving
Then we rocked it back and forth until she could back back in driveway and go out the other side of her paved parking lot
Being fat does come in handy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Getting Funky in a Funk

Arent Women suppose to be hardcore nursemaids, caretakers, housekeepers, invincible warriors on the home front?
Do they not take pride in their home, cooking, care, motherly ways and womenly loving shkills.

If so I have to say when it comes to myself, Epic Fail

Todays example:

Changed kitty litter, dry heaved and threw up in garbage bag during entire process.
Made a ham and cheese omelet, discovered no butter for toast, but had butter flavord crisco left over from baking, tried to pass it off on unsuspecting hubby.
Brushed golden retriever long shedding hair on porchs,couldnt find his dog brush, used hubby's instead telling myself I will clean it before he notices.
Forgot to take trash bag with me so threw hair clumps in recycle bin.
Made homemade bread in bread machine on express bake, middle not done so served from sides instead.
Overslept till 1pm, used washcloth on body,parts I could reach, and sprayed body spray on remaining offending parts.
Slumping around in same clothes for two days,decided to change and sprayed fabreeze on a pair of sweats that may or may not be clean
Spit on glasses wiping them on shirt in order to see out of them.
Dried a plate before serving the omelette on above mentioned sweat covered arse

Good lord I need a serious self help program and a housewife intervention
Now that would be a great show for Dr Drew.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Just Tell Me

I got an email saying I had been selected to win a prize
The contest listed was one I had entered
It had an attachment of rules prizes etc.
I checked the forum of sweepstakes I enter and its all legit
Prizes are
1st a 1000$ Best Buy card
2nd a Tivo DVR
3rd 100$ worth of dvds
I will take any of those
But the stupid thing said expect an email telling you how to claim your prize you have won
You did email
Why not tell me in that email
Now I am stalking my inbox like a nut
Do they just like to mess with you?

edit to add

I just read it again and it does say I won the family prize pack which is dvds 100 $ worth
YAY I wonder what they are?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Baby its Cold Outside


I am freaking freezing.
We decided if we arent working we are just going to stay in bed
I have my new warm quilt to keep me cozy
and of course these two also like to lay on top of me and keep me warm
How are you all handling it.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Deja Vu


We all went to see Avatar last night
Lots of rave reviews
It reminded me a lot of the film Ferngully
Also a lot like the film Dancing with Wolves
Plus that blue skin made me think of smurfs
It was one hour too long in my opinion
But only because I needed a cig and had to pee 
Didnt really need a blue smurf shag scene
The orange dragon at the end kind of looked like some emo teens skateboard paint job 

But and I am sure I am not telling you something you havent heard already
The freaking graphics and 3d is like all kinds of awesomeness
What are your thoughts?

On a funny note, we all drove to movie in same car and convo took a weird turn
see below

The girl: We are getting a big tax refund
Me: We always have to pay
Hubby: I dont get why we always have to pay everyone gets big refunds
Me: I own my own business and dont have any dependants, of course no refund.
Hubby Well it sucks
Me: Fine you want me to have a bunch of babies
The girl : HAHAHA you cant have babies you are too old
Me: What, I can have babies, I will have lots of babies, Dont even tempt me to prove it.
Hubby YAH we can go home start making babies now

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Winning Slob

I entered this contest

They are giving away 100 gift cards for pictures of the dirtiest windows.


So me being a big slob all I had to do was decide which filthy window in my house to take a picture of for submission.

I chose this one, which I posted on my blog before.

One because I already had the picture and two because Goober is all kinds of cute, I was hoping it would sway the judges.

It worked

I won

Yay Goober and his piggy slobbery ways!

Go enter everyone! It is an ongoing one every month.
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