Monday, August 31, 2009

Who You Gonna Call?

Last week we were poor for a couple days.
Waiting for Gammas check to come in. (lol kidding ......kind of)
I had two visa gift cards I could still use.
I had 62.00 left on one and 50.00 on the other.

Yay

Giving Gamma the 50 dollar one we rushed off to the store to buy food.
The convo on the way went like this.

Me: Don't go over now, it is only worth 50.00 dollars.
Her: Well sh$t, I should have brought my calculator.
Me: It's alright I have my iphone.
Her: Who the hell you going to call? Everyone we know is broke.
Me: No it has a calculator on it.
Her: Oh, well now I feel stupid and broke.
Me: YAY



So true, so very true

PS She swears I said phone and not iphone and thats why she didn't get it. We wont push that or she will feel as if she is broke, stupid and deaf.

Fun!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Big Fat Lies

Sometimes you think you would like to lose weight to feel better.
Sometimes you delude yourself into thinking a few pounds never hurt anyone.

But you know you are fat when:

You work up a sweat when doing your hair and make up
All the tied bows of your shoes are on the side. (crossing legs to reach them)
All your jeans have ripped belt loops (from using them to pull them up)
You spend a half hour trying to find your fat jeans on your bloated days and realize you have them on.
The belt loops are torn off them.
You wonder if you can buy an antiperspirant for under your boobs
You got excited hearing they make a cream that prevents skin damage from your thighs rubbing together
You ask your skinny friend what she has in her pocket and realize it her hip bone
You do the parade wave so your underarms dont jiggle as much
People ask you if you lost weight because your face looks thinner.
You would never dream of getting on a scale unless you were naked and went to toilet first.
You wish you could do this at the doctors office.

And most of all you know you are fat when all of those things happen on the same day

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesdays Around Town

Today's Tuesday isnt homes but more landscaping.
I love what this lady did to her yard
What a great place to live!

Imagine growing up a child in this yard

First you would have to fight your way through the wild jungle battling tigers and lions and bears, oh my.






Then you would stumble upon this hidden path.......Lots of dragons to defeat along the way.





Which leads to a magical gate, I am sure you have to know the secret word to pass through.



After the long journey you would have to fight off the troll who lives under the bridge and then you could converse with the fairies until you dozed off in the afternoon sun.


All until the Good Witch of the House called you in and told you it was time for dinner :)
Fun!

Monday, August 24, 2009

What You Say Will Be Held Against You

Had a garage sale on Friday and Saturday.
I love people watching and interacting and lots of funny things happened
I will share my two fav with you dear internet.

Man:How much is this?
Me: Ten dollars
Man:Does it work
Me Yes of course
Man:This? and this does it work?
Me You bet
Man Will you take 15 for both of them
Me: Erm yes, that one is marked 10 the other 5 so that would be 15.
Man:Well .......shit......'


Me: So the girl got married
Neighbor: Yeah I heard thats so nice.
Me: He took our last name.
Neighbor: Really?
Me: Yeah, well he was a smith, it not like that hard to give up is it?
Customer: Hey I am a Smith.....
Me: See what I mean you cant turn around with out spitting on one.


LOL

Anyway, it was great fun and we made lots of money
I dont think I will be having one for a few years though.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Feeling Down, Click These They Me Laugh

click here to play:
"1. Sex On Fire - Kings Of Leon
2. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
3. Charity Case - Gnarls Barkley
4. Common People - Pulp
5. I Will Buy You A New Life - Everclear
6. Glad Tidings - Van Morrison
7. Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
8. If I Had $1,000,000 - Barenaked Ladies
9. I Will Survive - Cake
10. Life On A Chain - Pete Yorn"

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Not Spoiled


This is our day bed
This is where goober thinks he should lay with his toys
No he isnt spoiled
Not at all

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesdays Around Town

Finally

See I didnt forget you dear internet.
I have been busy getting a yard sale around, but more on that later.

This first picture is of the monster trees I mentioned before.
Look how big and ominous they are ready to tumble down on our heads.
I like them though
This is the view from my side yard.

This house here is right across from my bank on a busy street
I dont know if I could keep up with a brick home
Are they high maintenance?
Do you have to do anything special?
Doesnt the grout crumble away?

This next one I like it as it looks like a huge old victorian but its right on the corner of a busy intersection.
It has absolutely ZERO yard and I cant imagine getting out of the drive way.
I wonder what it looked like when they built it originally
Maybe it was a huge plot with monster trees all over.

Finally this one just down the road from me.
Another one that would make a great local haunted house
Maybe its the iron fence
I would love to grow old in this house and have like 20 cats.
Screaming at the neighborhood kids to get out of my yard.
How fun

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I've got a Secret

Do any of you read post secret?
It's over here at www.postsecret.com.
I never miss a week.
I am secretly waiting for a secret to be posted that shocks me.
I am not sure what that says about me or my life?
That I am jaded, cynical, callous?
What do you think?
I am going with cynical, only because I like that word a lot.
;)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Names have been Changed


A dear aquaintance of mine lives in a nice orderly apartment.
They have specific days they can use the laundry room to avoid chaos and anarchy.

Her day is Monday.
She sticks to her designated day and never misses one.

One Monday she went down to do a couple loads of underthings and found a pair of her undies on the table
With a post it note.

"APT 1, you left these in the dryer".

Big Granny Panties

Big Granny Panties that were erm...worn and comfy

They had been there all week.

Hilarious

Me being the sympathetic type I am decided immediately upon hearing her story, to blog about it.
Because............

Thats how I am ;)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tuesdays Around Town

Fail

Sorry I have been so busy with things I havent had time to get out and take any.

On a completely unrelated note here is my latest farmville picture
That I spent hours working on these last few days.





:)

I will post the Tuesday pictures tomorrow ;)
Promise

Friday, August 7, 2009

Diva Dilemma


We all know how much I love my car.
I yammered on about it here, here, and of course here.


I kiss it before I get in, tell her how beautiful she is all the time, and plan long pointless errands on sunny days in order to drive her with her top down.

Yesterday, being a gorgeous day, I took her on a 40 mile trip in order to have a 30 minute lunch with a friend.

As soon as I pulled out of the driveway this blinking light came on along with obnoxious beep.
I pulled into a station, popped the hood, some nice man ran over and we flipped through manual looking at pictures and it was the coolant light.
It didn’t look too low but I bought some anyway and put a bit in and off I drove waving thanks to my new helpful station friend.

Driving
Speeding
Going all race car mode on 4 way highway WEEEE

Grr Still on.

Diva is not running hot though and the air is on blowing cool air on my legs (yes I know top is down but the air sure is nice blowing up my skirt)

Diva is just blinking at me
And b@$tching at me
Beep
Beep
BEEEEP
BEEEEP

Get to lunch date, my friend who is also a man says if she is not running hot its probably just a sensor, Id not worry.
But, schedule maintenance at the Audi Dealer
OK cool
Back on highway and the entire way home all she does is
BEEP BOOP BLIP FLASH
HURRY UP
STOP IGNORING ME
BEEEEEP

At home, dear hubby looks at her, its got coolant, the fans are running, and it runs fine.
Take her to a dealer
GAHH

Then I get on internet and find this site.
www.justask.com

They have everything, experts on everything, live, chat now.
For of course a low fee, payable by all major credit cards or PayPal.
But here is the good part; you don’t have to pay if you are not happy with the answer.
It was only 9 dollars to ask a certified Audi dealer a question.

I yammer on to the poor guy telling him entire story, useless info like what I was wearing even, and he says just a moment.

Him: Is it a yellow indicator on the dash?
Me: Yes it looks like the coolant light in the manual
Him: Tell me what it looks like.
Me: It’s yellow, flashing, it looks like a water fountain, digital buttons going up and spraying like my car is going to explode if I don’t pull over.
Him: And its yellow right?
Me: Yes yellow caution it means be careful your car is going to blow up yellow
Him: That’s the windshield wiper coolant is low indicator
Me: Oh
Him Can I help you with anything else
Me: Are we allowed to tip you on this site?
Him Yes if you would like
Me: Ok I will give you a big tip if you promise not to use this story to your Audi tech buddies on how dumb civilians are
Him Agreed


What kind of car moans for windshield fluid anyway?
What a Diva, I love that car.







Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tuesdays Around Town


Late of course, but we wont go there.

This house is lovely but what really caught my eye is the backyard shown here.



Its looks like its out of some public park or Grecian garden.
Just Wow!


I love this one because it has a huge side porch, a bay window and a porch.
Gorgeous and it is sitting along the tree lined street with off street parking.
Wonderful!


I turned around from that last house and and saw this one.
I cant get over all these old homes that are so obviously taken care of with love and pride.
Its like walking along another century


Finally this side yard, flowers all along her house that look like they are growing naturally and she even put an old style bicycle in the middle of it.
Clever and beautiful while looking effortless.

Arent they all just so lovely.

Yesterday at my own crappy home I noticed we had weeds growing in the corner back yard that were missed and they were over 4 foot, went to grab them to pull them out but they were covered in sticky prickly things and they growled at me.
They do have lovely purple flowers on them though, so I think i will leave them alone :)
Maybe i can get Goober to pee on them.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Yankee Beans

If you have read my blog at all you should have figured out I am not a domestic type woman..

My dear hubby of over 20 years is a southerner through and through.
Never mind that he has lived up north with me for over half his life, evidently it something you don’t lose, like the accent.

ANYwhooooooo

For years I have heard him lament the loss of great southern cooking
Fried okra
Good BBQ
Ham and Beans

Whoa is him who is lost up here with us corn fed yanks.
The only thing I have attempted to make is his stupid beans like his mom made.
Try asking said mom for advice and the only answer you get is:
It takes all day and is “easy”.

I haven’t attempted it many times over the years.
Probably 10, maybe less.

But last week, I decided I was going to crack the code.
I researched gobs of recipes on the internet.
I took the most common denominator of each recipe and cooked the stinky things all day.
Below convo is the result of your true blue yank diva’s hard work.

Him: Wow they smell great
Me: Do they look like your moms
Him: They do.
Me: Oh yay try some.
Him: They taste just like hers
Me: They do?
Him: Yes exactly like moms
Me Oh YAY
Me Why do you look so stupid then?
Him: Erm I just remembered, I always cried when we had beans.
Me: You cried? From Joy?
Him: No, I cried because I didn’t want to eat them
Me: WTF
Him: Yeah, I remember that she made them but I forgot that I hated them.


Me: Did you cry because she stuck a fork in your head?
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