Friday, January 30, 2009

IPhone Love Affair


I freaking love my Iphone

When it was new everyone was all like:
It doesnt do this or that or blah or its expensive or ill wait for version 2 yadda yadda

I even had one guy I worked with try vehemently to talk me out of buying one?

All he accomplished was the nickname IPHONE HATER now and forever more.

Why I liked it and was so excited is because I knew it is an itty bitty computer with a blank screen.

Get it?
It software driven!
It will change ALL the TIME.
EVERY DAY if you like
Wipe it and start all over!
Do you see now?

So anywhooooo...

I am a huge iphone application freak

So dear internet, I feel that I would do you a grave injustice if i didnt gush all about my secret obsession(s)
I therefore willtell you about the best applications I have found.
By best I mean like BEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD!! (at least this week )

Shazam
Point it at a song playing on radio it identifies it!

Google Earth
Go superman around the world if you are stuck in a waiting room somewhere.

Magic 8 Ball
Dont lie! You all loved the magic 8 ball when you were young and you still wanna jiggle it to see if gossip girl is going to go another season or not.

Flashlight
Bright beams to shine in depths of coach bag when searching for keys or mint or last nerve pill.

Flixter
Whats playing? When? Where? Show me reviews and a Trailer please.NOW! Because you know we could go see a movie maybe.

Lose it.
Track your daily food on it calories, fats, carbs, goals ,how big a pig you are, whatever! It is awesome!

Translator
Type it in and it does any other language
Spanish, French, Italian and even Latvian
Wave it at your confused cab driver or try to pronounce it badly to make people laugh and want to help you out for making the effort.

E-reader
Download all those free old classic books on that weird named site Gutenberg something or other and read it when someone is trying to chat you up or boring you silly.

Monkey Ball

Really? You want to know why? Come on! Its a monkey, in a ball, in a game
Who wouldnt love it?

Oh yeah its a phone too so if you insist on calling you can.
Most likely will go to visual voice mail (yes I said visual-click delete), but hey I might text you back.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

To Dont List

Things on today's To Do List

Call cable providor to sort internet connection
Start tax return
Sort closet
Take clothes to goodwill
List books on ebay
Move boxes to storage shed
Join Weight Watchers
Work out to Dance Dance Revolution


What I did do

Got nails done
Tanned
Read gossip blogs
Shopped
Ate a Cadbury Egg

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Stop Yelling at Me

Ok ,I know that wii fit is all the rage
And I suppose it is good for a work out
But me being such a lazy creature, I thought dance dance revolution would give me a good work out
But when did video games become so rude?
After trying hopelessly to keep up with the stupid arrows
It would yell at me to stop looking with my eyes and feel the beat
The word boo shows up if you miss a step
It grades you
And a big fat FAIL shows up at end.

I was hoping this would be a bit kinder then guitar hero
They tend to BOOOO you off stage
And throw bottles at your rocker.

No way am I getting a wii fit
I heard they change your avatar in the shape of what you weigh on the fit board
So mine would be what? Round , fat and sweaty?
Um no thanks!

LOL
But the good news is
At least I am moving a bit!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

But No Worries !

Soooo my mom lappy dies
Believe me I can relate to her terror and panic

Then it got complicated.

Argh, screams Mom I need it.
But I work in a computer repair shop
No Worries

But the hard drive is dead
No Worries, We can fix it

But it will be another day!!
No worries use mine in mornings.

But that didn’t fix it its something else
No worries buy a new one at Wal-Mart

But they are out of stock on the one you like
No worries go to Staples

But they are out of stock also
No Worries we buy it on line ship next day air

But, but wait.

Your puter just needed new memory it’s fixed now.
No Worries I needed a new one anyway

But your new one isn’t here yet.
No worries ill use my old one!
;)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mouth Wide Open

So I got my eyelash extensions done on Sunday
And you have to sit there with your eyes closed entire time and my beautician is so sweet.
She doesn’t seem to mind when my eyes close my mouth opens wide and doesn’t close THE ENTIRE TIME


Things discussed within the 45 minutes of none stop yammering:

* My Girls fianc├ęs is taking her name but it doesn’t matter his is boring
* Horrible names of men we know
* I gave a woman an I love Dick keychain, her husbands name is Richard
* I told her they were out of I love Peter ones
* Her Dick of a husband wanted to know who pPeter was
* How much weddings cost
* She spent way too much on hers and we should sooo do Vegas instead
* Mexico had a queue on their marriages at resort
* I am her favorite customer some customers act uppity
* I noticed all people getting pedicures act uppity
* She told me they are forced to give them to be licensed
* Some students need nerve pills to do them
* How much I hate feet.
* Told her dear hubby cut me with his toe nail in bed once
* Went on about how he woke up to me screaming obscenities at him
* Explained how he still has to wear socks to bed
* Discussed winter driving winter country living and how I once accidently killed a coop full chickens.
* All but one chicken but his feet fell off and his beak and he walked around on stumps
* Both laughed way too much over that image.

I think next time I am taking my iPod and will listen to a book. I walked out of there wondering what had happened to me. I think it was because last time, I fell asleep during the procedure and woke myself up snoring

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Saturdays


Today it is cold and dreary out.
Unreasonable wind chills and snow that wont go away.
Christmas bills coming in
Taxes coming due.
It would almost get me down if I didnt look over to this scene
Doesnt he look content?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Honestly, I am not that Popular

So my sweet friend nominated me for a blog award.
The honest scrap award located here
She also challenged me to do the same to 7 others.
The thing is list 10 honest AND interesting things about yourself.
We all know lists are no problem.
I adore lists.
The other requirement? Honesty? Easy enough.
Interesting? That could be tricky. I never claimed I was interesting and quite frankly I bore myself silly at times.
Last thing nominate 7 others for it.
I just said I was honest and uninteresting, it should come as no suprise I dont have seven friends.

Since I am one to never leave a task that can be done half arsed, as shown here, I will list seven instead.

1. I can never wear the same pair of pantyhose twice.
2. I have wild crazy elaborate daydreams.
3. I have always felt I was meant to do something great in my life.
4. I have lived in the same house for 18 years because I am too lazy to move
5. I worry about my daughter a lot and hope she is happy.
6. I never want to live alone.
7. I carry around an Enquirer Engergized Blue Dot.


So there you go partly done, true to form, not quite perfect, but all me ;)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Luxurious Town Living

When my mother was ready to leave her home in the country, I insisted she move to town.
One reason, she would be close to me of course, what an incentive that is in it self.
She could come clean my house for spending money
She could even cook for us!
Wow!

The other, of course, was the beauty of town living.
Beautiful things like:

Food delivery
Shopping proximity
Trash pick up
Sewer
Curbside Recycling
But the main selling point, obviously, is winter driving.

The secondary country roads are woefully neglected.
Residents drive perilously down unlighted, tenuous, winding paths
There is neither a glimmer of salt nor a hope of a snow plow.

But in town, I told her, the roads are cleaned right away.
They even plow the alley ways
Even if they don’t, with all the traffic, there are clear tracks to navigate by 8 am
The snow is ALWAYS cleared away and gone by noon.
Who wouldn’t live here?

So of course she moves here.
AND
We have sub-zero weather and non-stop snow.
So of course I was a liar, she claims.

BECAUSE
They won’t deliver in inclement weather without a surcharge
The stores are mobbed at the first inkling of snow predictions and are out of staples

BESIDES
Her car doors are frozen shut and the sidewalks are treacherous.

But on top of all that, to make me hang my head in shame, there is this.


Here is a picture of her road today.



Its past noon
I don’t see any freaking paths, salt or a flipping snow plow one.
You know why don’t you?
It’s because moms are always right.
I may be a mom but she is MOM. It should come as no surprise then that I was wrong.



Bless her; she still came to clean my house today. Love you mom.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Annoying/Charming

Ugh today was one of those days
But as long as charming beats out annoying, life is good.

Annoying:

Server problems in cubeville
Reds and Oranges on my screen.
Fat has won out over chubby
Blizzard warnings
Wind chills


Charming

Half days
Tweets
AWD takes on snow for a southern Diva
Heated seats in a skirt
Gossip Blogs
My rocker on Guitar Hero. (she is so cute but so tough too)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sprinkle Water on your Brow

I, among other talents, can whip up a great tasting home made meal.
That is not to say I am a good cook. I am however creative. I like
To think of myself as queen of the 10 minute prep meal.
Tonight I am making one of my favorite dishes.

Home made Vegetable Soup:

What you will be served, a steaming bowl of tomatoes based soup with a mixture of variable spices
Succulent beef that falls apart at the touch, green beans, corn, peas, potatoes, onions, carrots and is that a hint of celery?

DELISH!

How it is made

1 huge cans V8 Juice
1 huge can of beef meat
2 cans whole new potatoes
1 can of corn
1 can of green beans
1 can mix veggies
1 can opener

Thrown in a pot and cooked for an hour
Sprinkle water on forehead to simulate sweat
Yell at everyone to leave you alone for god sake I am trying to cook.



Basque in the praise.


SHHHH internet don’t tell anyone ;)

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Golden Nuggets

Being the worldly mature wise woman that I am, I thought I would share with my dear friend THE INTERNET some of the golden nuggets of wisdom I have accumulated over the years.

If a dog eats a tampon it comes out whole.
If you mow over it in the yard puffs of white confetti shoot out the side.
If you have hemorrhoids and wear a girdle, it will speed healing and ease pain
Caffeine withdraws causes severe headaches and can take weeks to go away.
When your kids are older they won’t talk of the trip to Disneyland but will go on about the times you sat under their fort and played Babies.
EX-Smokers are not preachy pushy because they want to help you, they miss smoking and you are enjoying it way too much.
Some women love to complain
There isn’t much you can’t buy.
If you sing out loud in your car at the top of your lungs with your kids they will do the same with theirs.
If you do it with your husband they will tell you to shut up
Video games are addicting
Some people don’t want to laugh

Be advised that not all of these are from personal experience but I have the rest on good authority ;)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Freedom

It’s official. As of yesterday I have went from full time cube dweller office goddess to part time have not a clue peon.
Yay! I have been at the same office job for 13 years and although I love (loathe) it, the hours were killing me.
I have my own thing going on at home and don’t really need the office work. It was more where would I drive my sweet ride and snazzy clothes sort of thing.
That and a little bit of company loyalty mixed in with one of my best friends works there. Also the work environment is one that is cutting edge techie and I eat that up too.

But enough of that boring dribble, after months of finagling complaining moaning threats etc they agreed to let me work half days.

Imagine all the wonderful things I will accomplish with all this time now Internet.

Here is a Short list of things I plan to do:

Shop so we actually have food in the house for once.
Pay my bills on time and organize them by expense type and soon to be created budget
Teach the dog how to heel stay and loose leash walk
Join a gym
Organize closets
Create new and delicious meals for me and my family.
Entertain on weekends


I figure this should take a couple weeks or so to get up to par. I am not that silly to think I can do it all right away.

The list of what I have done:

Day 1

Played guitar hero for two hours (Sting says I rock by the way)

Ordered Chinese food

Day 2

Surfed internet aimlessly, read gossip blogs, and wrote blog entry.

Played guitar hero, some weird guy with a Mohawk named jack said I suck.

Ate left over Chinese food.

Just imagine what day 3 will bring! I will be sure to let you know. ;) I think I will take a nap now.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Five Days of Nothingness

I had 5 days off from my day job and was overwhelmed with so much time and what to do with myself
Below is a sample how I spent all my time unproductively

Slept A LOT
Prepared three different meals on my own
Ate out twice
Got nails done
Bought myself clothes while shopping for his bday gift
Ate frosting out of a can
Figured out how to add friends to my Wii
Played guitar hero alot (I made the virtual cover of a Korean mag.)
Went to see Marly and me
Purchased Mario Kart online
Decided I really need to work lots of hours as am a slug if I dont.
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