Mandatory Blog Here

My long term readers might notice I use that statement a lot. A fork in the head. Did you put a fork in his head? He is lucky I didnt put a fork in his head. Are you done? Should I put a fork in your head? But where did this odd statement come from. I will tell you. When I was growing up I was around my Aunt's house a lot. She had eight kids Yes eight. All within 1 year of each other. I was there a lot because once you have eight what does one more matter? During dinner one evening, one of her evil spawn put a fork in her sister's arm because she went for her piece of chicken. During screams and wails and blood and getting ready to go to the hospital my Aunt said calmly At least she didnt stick it in your head. True zen

Me: I am doing yoga Him: I know I can tell you look great. Me: I have only been doing it a week Him: Yah but you have that glow you look fantastic. Me: Anywhoo, this one position really really hurts my back. Him: Show me Me: Grunt pant twist ughh owwwww "Tadah" Him: That is very good Me: Yes doesn't that look like it hurts, wouldn't that hurt your back too? Him: Yes it looks very painful when you do it Me: What do you mean when I do it? Him: I mean if I did it and was in the shape you are in, it would probably hurt. Him: I mean I work out more than you do that's all Him: You look great Him: I bet lots of women couldn't do that Me: You can shut up now Him: ok Him: Your hair is pretty Me: Bite me

It is no secret to my readers that I consider myself a Diva. I am a lazy one though and I do most my shopping online and have often wondered how did Divas manage before the internet. What about before the TV shopper Channels or worst yet Malls, Walmart, or Strip Malls. Here is your answer. They had the Sears Catalog It's massive and this one is a reproduction from 1897. Buy yours here. First I would outfit my baby in this sporty thing. Do you imagine they parked them outside? Where would you put it? In the carriage house? I could buy all the latest fashions Sadly they only have eight pages of woman's clothes. Eight! What would a clothes whore like me do? I suppose since I wasnt wasting my time aimlessly surfing blogs or watching bad tv, I could learn how to sew and make my own magnificent creations on this wonderful device. I would probably be too stressed out from all that work though and have to buy a whole bunch of these things, for my woman problems. How fun! Just think 1

First work out a lot so you feel like you can cheat just a little. Tell hubby yes you can go buy (stupid man purchase request) if you pick me up a candy bar too. Discover frozen cookie dough in your freezer Stop riding the stationary bike to eat a coney dog And there you have it. See pretty easy isn't it!

This baby looks like he just has to dance but he doesnt know why So funny! I see a future diva here!

I worked out this morning. Goober looks at me the entire time as if aliens have invaded my body and he doesnt know what is wrong with me. He cocks his head to the side and whines. He is probably confused because of all the odd noises I am making. Transcript below: Wii Fit vs Me WF: You're a little shaky ME: Piss off WF: Well done keep it up ME: Gah ouch Hurry up WF: Good job! Come back every day to improve. You get 1 fitness point! ME: Geezo for #$%# SAKE! 1 point?? WF: Keep going you are half way there. ME: Gasp pant ugh huff puff gah Goober: whines ME: Goober get out of here go lay down. WF: You've unlocked a new strenth exercise ME: Gasp ugh puff Bike vs Me along with ipod 1 min: If you like it you shoulda put a ring on it 2 min: La la la la lah lah 3 min: Gasp huff puff ugh argh ring on it ugh 4 min: You're sex is on ....gasp ugh pant...fire 5 min: huff gasp argh pant DESIRE Honestly I dont know why he gets so upset or worried

The winner of the dating contest is drumroll........... Msrodeobrat Thanks for entering and i will email you for details to send your awesome prize