Mandatory Blog Here

Never accuse my hubby of not being handy No wrapping paper? No scotch tape? No gift cards? NO Problem This is how my hubby wrapped my Christmas Present Empty Beer Carton Duct Tape Post it note What a handy man! I know you are all so jealous

In case you all wonder what sort of man I am married to. This video sums it up perfectly This is WHAT I MARRIED Not the man but that is the spirit exactly hehe by the way he agrees completely Training is going well After 24 years he is a little better.....just... a little

I havent mailed out Christmas Cards in years I also oddly enough havent gotten any in the last two years But I think this video kind of sums up my whole feelings on the card swapping tradition And no dear internet I am not a Scrooge. I actually like Christmas a lot I just like to have a laugh and dont take it all too seriously

Ever

YAY ME Last year I thought I was turning 46 But I was only 45 So I got like a free year This year if anyone asks I tell them I am 56 Then they tell me how young I look AWESOME When that doesnt work anymore then I will know that I am old What a great plan.

Christmas The time to share give love blah blah Whats a mean diva like me to do? Never fear I have some things to share with you Ways to be your evil self while still being in Christmas mode My cousin and I had our babies about six months apart One year I gave her toddler play dough The next she gave mine finger paints Following year her bundle of joy received a gun with 27 annoyingly loud sounds My kid got GLITTER BARBIE My kid poured the tube of glitter in our bed Under the covers so we didnt notice until we got up the next day and I had stripper glitter on my Well you get the picture She won! I sure miss those days Go spread some Christmas cheer to your friends with toddlers for me! Fun times

This is so mean and yet so adorable Its funny because its just a video game you know in the scheme of things who cares? But awwww bless him ps its his older brother letting him play his xbox so its mean and funny and oh my siblings now you know why i only had one

Hope you are all enjoying your family So much to be thankful for We are all blessed

LOL This is me doing Kinect Dance Central OH YAH I got moves Who wants to take me dancing

Nothing says Freedom like nothing else to lose Janis Joplin lyric I believe but sometimes these hard financial times seem to hit me in other more subtle ways. Example the convo with my online friend Her: I am eating flakes of corn Me: wth? Her: They are like generic Corn Flakes Me: OH! Like Happy Os? Her: Right just like that I think if I put enough sugar on them they will be fine Yup Like Bob Dylan sang.... These times..... They are a changing

I have been really busy lately (last month) Doing an online class There were like 5 tests I think I dont know it is a blur now If you remember I was moaning I wasnt acing them even though they were open book Well Thursdays Finale I was sweating I wouldnt pass it I dont know what it is but if there is any pressure on a test I start freaking out The dumb thing scores it as you are going along so my mind does the math quickly OMG If I miss 4 more I fail 3 2 1 OMG OMG I got 5 questions left and if I Miss one more I FAIL FAIL FAIL its ok internet I didnt miss any But I sat on that last question for 20 minutes Freaking out IF I MISS THIS I FAIL Shaking Crying Yes I am that insane But yay its over YAY ME LOL

I use to get a Speigel catalog every year These things are huge Like door stops They were full of lovely full page ads Glossy paper Shiney new clothes I loved them I kept it on the coffee table for months The thing was so well made it looked like a coffee table book But sadly I am not quite the shopper I use to be It doesnt mean I dont love them I do like me some fantasy shopping and looked forward to getting the christmas issue every year. But this year I got a flimsy 10 page one. Sniff I am off the mailing list Boohoo They figured out I am broke Why does this make me sad? I am not even worth  fantasy shopping anymore Maybe because all I get in the mail now is offers from credit repair agencies How the heck did I get on that list Do they know something I dont haha Maybe i will get a nice Walmart flyer tomorrow Maybe if I order something inexpensive from Speigel I will get back on their list

I want the kinect for xbox as I have already told everyone But there is a Zumba game you can use with it too! While researching it on you tube I saw this video Its long but I am sharing because 1. it shows you an entire zumba class 2. watch the lady in the green shirt (that would be my mom if we took one) 3. the lady right behind her? That would be me if we took a class Hilarious

I soooo am getting one of these I need one of these We all do YAY xbox

I am taking some classes They are kind of intense So difficult in fact the tests are open book The first test I took I got a 90 and the second I got an 86 On an open book test. The instructor assures us we are not all stupid as a 92 was the highest score on the first exam But seriously An open book test? How can you miss any if you are able to look at the book? My family says I am too hard on myself But fess up dear internet Wouldnt you be a tad bit upset if you didnt get 98 to 100 on a test that you can refer to the book with the answers in it? Yes I am that competative Anywhoo at this point I am glad that I am passing But you know what I am blaming it on the internet Who reads an entire article anymore The internet is all bold headlines I glance through get little bits here and there Lindsy Rehab Mel rants click here to LISTEN (not read I dont have time) You Tube LOLCatz (doesnt even spell properly ) I can has a link? Oh click here to lose weight. Pop up

Work at home office  I am setting up my new office While looking at the screen I thought to myself this screen is too small It is so tiny I need a 17 inch Off to ebay Yup there is one I will make a bid Accepted! Score Oh wait. I have a 17 inch I needed a 19 Fail Next my headset wont work with the software I need Dang it Off to buy another one Shoot this one doesnt work either Oh wait I have to disable the onboard speakers Dang it now they both work I had to run some cable extensions Although the length was right it wouldnt fit in the slot properly What the heck its too long Ill squeeze the end in Argh still wont work Why is this plastic thingy so much bigger then the other one Ill melt it a bit with my lighter it doesnt lack much to fit Oh wait that doesnt go in there Shoot it goes in here Argh now it wont fit at all I had to rush out and buy two new cables WTH Why did I want this office again OH right that is it I can be more efficient and make more mo

I went to Staples to pick up something and saw they had all their office chairs on display CLEARANCE Rows and rows of different types and colors I was happily sitting in them all but lets face it an office chair is an office chair and they all bite Each and every chair was marked between 89 to 99 dollars so what can one expect. I was happily plopping my fat butt in them all to see if any of them are better than the crappy one I have at home That seems a fair price so I am sure I can find one I like I am not that picky But then... I sat in a chair That was plush And soft And so freaking comfy OMG I am so buying this chair for 99$ Except It was 399$ Marked down from 499$ Out of dozens of chairs I find the one that is 5 times as much Why is this chair here Now none of them are worth a crap None Because the only chair I want now is the one I cant afford When I was a young girl my mom would constantly berate me for my champagne taste on a beer budget Or accuse me of m

I call this picture I dont know why it is upside down  I need a sound proof office I surfed all over the web for tips and tricks They showed me lovely homes redone in sound proof dry wall  With insulation Beautiful rooms with gleaming walls to put your 6 foot desk and 40 inch monitor and paper mache flowers. Um Yah I dont want to spend money I want to make money Whats a poor lazy white trash girl to do? I will tell you I threw every single area rug down on the floor for a wonderful visual  of 18 different colors overlapping to cover the worst stains I pounded in nails all over the concrete walls and hung up all my too small, out of fashion, why did I buy this clothes. Sprayed Fabreeze all over them to mask the dust, mold , closet must and  how old is this crap anyway smell and Wah LAH Can you hear me now? No No I cant  How about when I scream really loud for someone to bring me a soda Nope cant hear you now either  Success 

Honey Im home There are a lot of catch sayings around to announce your arrival home The boring I'm home or Fred flintstone screaming Wilma! There is Mr Cleaver's condescending Honey I'm home. Even better is Cheers exuberant NORM! But my niece has beat them all. When she was a toddler she would run into your home and announce with arms up over her head YAY! I'm here! And yes dear internet that is now my catch phrase upon entering anyones home. YAY I'M HERE Woot!

I love my iphone I got one when they first came out I listened to so many lectures on why I shouldnt buy one. Why it would fail. Why it was over priced I even nicknamed one co worker IPHONE HATER and that is who he is now and forever more But the people who seemed most offended by the Iphone are Blackberry owners I do not know why I think the Blackberry is awesome too. I just love my Iphone I have no hate for the Blackberry but this........... is hilarious see more funny videos

Stop telling me what to do! This is what hubby said to me the other day Erm.... We have been married for 24 years You are just now saying this? After 24 years? HAHAHAHAHA Yeah I am going to change Well I did change a little Now I scream this out in any conversation possible. Dont forget to pick up cigs.. STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO Oh yah.. This will be fun

The kids came over Saturday It was a fun visit I love it when they visit. They were showing me how to use an xbox But while they were showing me all the features I saw you could get movies on demand through Netflix So I was all like lets watch movies NOW No dont show me anymore features MOVIES NOW! Anyway we were watching Zombie land At one point I said If I ever get bit by a zombie would you....YES was the reply Yes we will shoot you in the head Don't worry Then I think they argued over who would get to do it I am not really sure because I was laughing too hard AWWWW  Family got to love them

There is a scene in the movie Goodfellas that always makes me laugh Business is slow? F.U. Pay me Kids in college? F.U. Pay me. I dont remember it line for line but basically it is all Who cares Pay ME! But...... Did you know..... When bill collectors call If you hesitate.......... They start to negotiate Things like.... You can post date the check.... Then they say oh it cost such and such for the pay by check fee Hesitate again they waive it...... Hesitate some more they will waive the late fee.... hmm isnt that nice to know :)

Things are going well I am very happy today So really the only thing one can say is YAY what a great day Hope you are doing well too internet

I call this picture  shameless affiliate link My mom got herself a kindle and instead of buying books I hooked her kindle up to my account so she can read my library I have like 185 books on mine I havent spent any time with her in a week Then when she did come over she had her kindle in her purse I caught her reading it while I was talking and being amusing. I got replies like MMM HMMMM Neat! Oh Really! Hmm if it wasnt so cool that my mom is all techy and has a ebook reader now, I would be offended. Anyway she loves it she likes it because its lightweight,and you can make the font HUGE! If you want to know what to buy your parents for xmas I would recommend getting them one They have really went down in price too

This show on HBO called Eastbound and Down is about a baseball player who loses his game After being rich and famous he is back home living with his brother teaching PE at a school in his former home town. Poor, forgotten, but not down at least in his own mind. He is still convinced he will be back on top The only thing he has left from his glory days is his jet ski which he takes out when times get bad to get his head together. I do the same thing in my sports car Top down Music blaring I go fast down two lane country roads singing as loud as I can My mom called and my voice was so hoarse she thought I was crying LOL But no I am just doing my own Eastdown and out but I do mine louder and off key

Having been accused of being mean, I like this cartoon. Maybe I am mean I prefer to think of myself as a sarcastic wit. But you know it's all relative to me of course LOL  I am going to try and not be so  funny,charming,sarscastic,honest,mysel f at least for awhile Sounds boring to me though  Don't tell anyone dear internet for all my being mean I am really a softy and I hate how people see right through me.

I havent blogged this week because I have been kind of sad Our cat has gone missing Her collar the one with the bell on it had come off the day before and I didnt get her a new one. The next day she came up missing My daughter was over and went door too door with a picture but no one has seen her I called the shelters and vets in area no help. I put an advert in the paper and the few times the phone has rung I answer it with my hopes up high. People are calling to offer me their unwanted cat People are calling to offer me their unwanted kittens One called to scold me for letting her out Another called to say she saw a couple dead cats on the road and although they didnt match my cats description she is probably dead and I should have never let her outside. All I can say is. What is wrong with people Dont call an advert for a missing pet unless you think you have found her Save us some more grief please Either way I am going to think some other family adopted her A famil

How did I not think of this I found this on this web page HERE But you know what How did I not think of this I already know you need to unwrap 10 kisses before you begin eating them lol

If you read my blog you know that I love my small adopted town When I was 17 and going into my senior year of high school my mom moved us from the city to this itty bitty town. Not the one I am in now but fairly close The first day of school a fire truck went by and the entire class ran to the window to see what was going on. I jaded city girl stayed seated and thought WTH and looked at the teacher up front But he wasnt up front He was at the window straining to look over the students and saying Does anyone see anything? They all turned around and there I sat alone and erm .....amused, horrified, flabbergasted, staring at them all in contempt. Now of course I get it. I like small towns But there is still a city girl in me that doesn't like everything country. Things like bugs, no mass transit, lack of sidewalks, stores closing on Sunday. Which brings me to this video Warning the man uses graphic language so if you are easily offended dont click it I think the laugh i

My girl collects ducks She thinks ducks are just so funny So I found these at a garage sale for 50 cents! What a bargain

My daughter was over the other day and reminded me of something that happened last summer I meant to blog about it at the time but forgot We were out one weekend hitting the garage sales and I thought I would show off my new iphone features I could use gps to find all the garage sales We wouldnt miss a one The only problem is I was not getting any signel but the dreaded E For those of you without AT&T that is the edge network It is so slowwwwwwwwwww Ridiculous slow. I am hanging out the window trying to get a good signel while mom is driving. Her: Which way Me: I dont know yet Her: I thought your handy dandy phone told us Me: I am on edge Her: Which way? Me: I dont know yet, I am on edge Her:You are on edge? Did you need a nerve pill Her: I got a nerve pill LOL....maybe it would help I dont know surely cant hurt

One 12 pack of Diet Mountain Dew for the daily consumption of one can each every morning for a happily married couple Day One - Pop on counter, Wife makes glass of ice, puts one in freezer for hubby who is up 30 mins later. Day Two - Still on counter, Hubby makes glass of ice puts one in freezer for wife up 30 mins later Day Three - Still on counter, Wife up first waits 30 mins dry mouth hears hubby making his ice begs for him to make her one too Day Four - Still on counter, Hubby up first makes his own ice yells at wife to put pop in fridge for the love of $%$% cant you put it in the fridge? Day Five- Still on counter, each makes their own glare at each other Day Six - Still on counter two empty ice cube trays in freezer Ahh True love Arent you jealous? hehe

We have this huge festival during labor day that comes to our town each year It draws celebraties at times not often and normally has been ones but still ....you know. A huge car auction Of course lots of things are going on in town also We normally make our escape and run away during the 3 days Silly tourists and all But this year since we couldnt really afford a luxurious vacation (If its not 4 star forget it, I will stay home work until I can afford one) I have however come up with a plan I think we are going to dress up like tourists Such as: Dumb visors Gawdy shirts Khakis Fanny Packs Camcorders around necks Maps in hand Say things like ....which way to the...............blah Just like be all dumb touristy in our own town We can take shuttle buses We can tell the local vendors how cute and quaint the town is We can ask for directions We can hit all the local attractions hundres of garage sales (ok maybe only 40 or 50 ) flea market craft show historical ho

Let do a quiz How well do you know me? While sitting 20 mins in pharmacy waiting for my ADD drugs I did what? a. Wiggled about annoyingly b. played doodle jump c. shopped in pharmacy and made stupid impulse purchases When I start my time of month I am normally a. super freaky emotional mess b. irrational c. surprised when it happens d all of the above My biggest love of my life is a. my car b. my dog c. my family d. we really dont want to know someones feelings will get hurt Who cleans my house a. my mom b. a cleaning team in hazard gear c. hubby d no one Why do I blog a because no one listens to me b because i am full of myself c boredom good luck and whoever gets them all right gets absolutely nothing! yay what fun lol

I call this pic Goober says WTH? I walked in the bathroom Saturday and the carpet was wet right by the tub Quite satuarted really I figured someone got sloppy during a shower Not me I actually need a shower pretty badly hehe. The towel became sopped so I put another one down but by Sunday it was soaked too. Uh oh Something i leaking Hubby tore up the bathroom wall and decided handle is leaking runs down tub side and onto floor OK Easy enough fix But he said, since he was in there he would replace that wall it looks pretty nasty anyway its been leaking awhile Wow Ok that is ambitous, but go for it. After he was in there for 6 hours I opened the door and said How is it going? Fine I just have to tighten this nut. And I kid you not dear internet ... Like something out of a sitcom A bad sitcom A gush of water jetted out of the wall hit him full in the face and knocked him back on his butt. Did I panic? Did I scream? Of course not! I busted out laughing Because tha

Means no matter how hot I think I am I cant dance for crap LOL and is it wrong for me to laugh at this He really is amazing but he just looks too dang happy I think this guy is a Diva to the Nth degree one we should all try and imitate

Morphing into a ...Moth Last year at this time I was getting eyelash extensions Or maybe it was the year before Anyway While I was working I was also cruising the net on the side and looking at Carpet cleaners WTH?? What has happened to me?

Have you seen these commercials for Lanacane? Balloon people with their legs rubbing together I don't know if I should be offended by this commercial? Maybe its more like I am thrilled they are making this stuff? Why didn't they have this crap when I was younger and wore shorts(thank goodness for capris coming back in style) Maybe they did but it was taboo to market it I tell you what it is certainly a weird thought that you could be in a situation where some hot stranger asks you what is  that white cream is on your thighs Would any answer not be embarrassing Oh that is just the cream I wear so I don't chafe when my huge fat thighs rub together. Ok i will take it as marketing. Hey ad guys you want the next new AD CAMPAIGN? Find me something that stops me from sweating under my boobs. I doubt you could use balloon people for that. Perhaps cotten ball chicks? What you think?

First off, I love this song I know it is too young for me really but it is quite catchy I am terrible with using names So everyone I know has a nickname Boo=hubby Gamma =mom Geeb(hard G)=daughter Goob=goober the dog FRIEND(always in caps)=my friend What about you dear internet You have any weird nicknames for your friends and family

(I call this pic, Not our IceCream guy) Remember those hot summer lazy days of your childhood? The ice cream truck? I love the icecream truck But ours.... WTH? I know we dont have any kids on my street anymore We are all old slow asses But this guy He flies down our street Probably to get to the trailer court where the real money is Which is fine I am a capatalist I understand speeding down the street to get to a destination I mean I have a sports car I get it. Physics says your tires will squeal if you turn when you are going that fast I get that too BUT..... If you are going to go flying down my street with no thought of stopping Could you shut your music off? That's all I am saying

Mom may not always be able to find her Glasses Pills Keys Purse Shoes Bills Tax papers Parked car But she did find the itty bitty crown that broke off my front tooth that cost 1000.00 to replace. YAY MOM! and this is todays fortune just weird

I had a phone call today and normally I dont answer any calls I dont recognize on the caller id but this one said Gallup Poll Organization. Wow! Really? I can be one of those people when they say recent Gallup polls indicate ..... YAY! Some of the questions though, I dont know. Is it good if the poll taker trying to sound all professional keeps busting out laughing? Here are a few questions that got her giggling and I thought my answers quite proper and professional. Did you eat 5 servings of fruits and vegatables yesterday Erm No But I ate at least 5 times. On a Scale of 1 to 10 economy wise how would you rate your life now 7 Where do you expect it to be in 5 years A 10, I am an optimist obviously. Would you say you are satisfied or dissastified with the job the president is doing Erm are those my only two choices Yes Erm.....Well it;s like moving in a demolished house and trying to remodel I suppose. No one likes the porta potty but you have to put up with it aw

I lost my crown Wahhhhhh I cant find it, help me Mom! Dont worry I am on my way We will find it Wahhh no it's gone Ok lets look here Alright Wahhhh I cant find it either It cost 1000 dollars Hey wait,Hubby is home early Yay I am home early from work WAHHHH in unison I lost my crown Mom cant find it either I will find it Dont worry Wahhh you cant find it either Well.......$hit dear internet It's gone Now I look like a hillbilly Glad I posted my picture of me before I lost my front tooth

Mom comes over to clean and says there is a dead bird on porch Yuck Stupid Cat The cat thinks she is a lion and likes to bring home dinner Usually she leaves it on the porch So I googled what to do and they said to put a bell on her collar So I did Then we went out in kitchen There is a beheaded rabbit on the counter Baby bunny to be exact she not a very big cat After screams and squeals I throw a bag over it pick it up to toss it and EWWWW The leg is detached Puke Hurl Gag Yes this is what I do when I have to pick up something disgusting Or clean out the cat box Or change a diaper Even with my own kid if it was a disgustingly bad one the convo went like this: Aww mommys little geeby goo made a poopoo Runs to toilet GAG HYUK OMG MMMMPH AGGG Stay there mommy be right back!! Dont even get me started on what happened when the kid threw up Lets just say by the time she was 7 she was either making it to toilet or cleaning it up herself because Mom was too busy in

I gave Goober a bath He is all sweet smelling I thought I would clean out his pen/beddie byes. Things found in Goobers Hidy hole -Potato -Remote control _Tuna can -3 squeakies ripped out of toys -Cough drops -A fork And you thought you were a hoarder

I have gotten a few inquiries Basically it boils down to Who the H#$ll are you ? Here I am Now you know ;)

My name is Tammy and I  am addicted to my Iphone I have been without it for over a week, two weeks, FOREVER and all I can say is OMG I had no idea how much I used it I was constantly reaching for my nonexistent phone to -Check facebook -Read email -Play words with friends -Look up random actors on imbd -Shazam songs i heard on radio/tv -Map garage sales -Play music in my car via radio transmitter -Check bank balances -Text -Take pictures of Goober -Take pictures of Goober and the cat -Look at lol cats -Read books on Kindle Oh yah and sometimes I call someone So now you all know and thank goodness I found a good used one on ebay I am back baby

Just makes me laugh

Sorry no updates I lost my iphone last week Very depressing as I love it soooooo much I am going to have to buy another :( I dont really have the money so I will have to try have a garage sale next week raise funds So sad though :( I hope you are all having a nice week 

Things Dads do Change diapers Take you to preschool Take you to your first day of school Watch Ren and Stimpy with you in jammies Dress up like Barny at your 6th bday party Take diva wife, you and your best friend camping and fishing Listen to them complain and moan and cry the entire weekend and still think it was fun Drive diva wife, you and your best friend on yearly vacations Listen to us yammer complain giggle and be generally annoying with no complaint Stop at every flea market, mall, silly attraction, ill timed rest stops along the way Teach you how to fish Teach you how to drive Teach you  how to change a tire Not beat the crap out of the boys you brought home Make up a silly pet names for you Love us all I am so jealous of you for having such a father. But I am really blessed with such a hubby Happy Fathers Day xx

I have a friend I met online We both are married Our hubbies act the same way ( Big babies) We have the exact same livingroom furniture They have one daughter They take their daughters best friend on vacations just like I did with my girls best friend. We are the same age We have the same kind of dog Her daughter even collects ducks like mine does We went on vacation together and were asked numerous times if we were sisters We have the same laugh.(think of chickens clucking) We ping each other on msn the exact second the other person sits down in front of puter We work the same schedules(stupid early) The other day I told her to put the cake down put it DOWN and she was all omg how did you know. Our moms have been married and divorced the same amount of times ( I wont say but its unusual) We both moved a lot as kids and went to same number of different schools. We were both slutty,wild,out of contro l,fun before we got married. We both spend way too much money It is c

Ask hubby  if he will do it Tell him never mind you will do it Whine you cant find car stuff Whine you cant get hose hooked up Wash the tires first rather then last Put too much soap on it Do it all wrong Thank him for helping when he grabs sponge in disgust and does it himself Try to dry it with a bath towel Look confused as he screams out in horror and grabs the shammy Tell him he was right that looks much better Tell him you are tired working so hard does he mind cleaning up mess Thank him for his help

I have mentioned being adult ADD before somewhere in my blog I dont feel like linking it Ha go figure (its like details man no time for details) Anywho..... dinking around with my meds and off them for a few days This is not a good thing Before I was diagnosed I was always STRESSED OUT Stressed because the ADD mind has alot of things going through it. A lot of projects to complete. A lot of new projects wanting to be started and of course, all the silly annoying things to do with living. Things like oh I don't know cooking,cleaning,working,care giving,living anything that is a pain in the @ss. Long ago stress would boil over and I would lose it in the stupidest ways Usually screaming at some poor min wage worker, doctor, customer service rep, loved one, who ever was in the way. The bad thing about an Adult with ADD is there is no filter i n our brain We are also usually clever, articulate, and brutally honest. McD employee screws up your change, scream at manager t

To do Nothing much going on to blog about My to do list is rather short and boring and just weird See below -Work -Let chin hair grow so I can wax it -Get cat louder bell so she quits bringing dead bird carcasses into house -Get the knot out of goobers butt hind quarter area -Get hubby to swap out window air conditionor because its squeaky -Wait for Sundays premeire of True blood -Find a new book to read -Pull weeds in flower bed to plant spring flowers, oh wait its June, hmm Summer flowers then Arent you all just like jealous of my life Ha

So it has been a month since I joined Curves I have been going religiously,regularly,a lot, at least once a week. I am down two pounds! Yay it must be the diet I have been following, religiously,regularyly,faithfully, half arsed! Go Me! This month I am going to try really hard, sorta hard,hard, kind of, to do better Ha

Goober thinks the day bed is his He also thinks He allows me to lay on it now and again depending on his mood The cat is just as bad This is me trying to take a nap I wonder what she is saying to him because he looks terrified I was so scared for him I couldn't get a nap in

I told you before about my Aunt Kate Here  when she made a beautiful quilt Here when she taught me how to be truly zen But I haven't told you about my Uncle Her partner while raising 8 screaming kids, frequent visits from her favorite niece(ME),and any other neighborhood kid who happen to tank a fancy to us all. Her other half was Uncle Norm For some reason to this day a lot of her kids call him Norm I don't remember how it got started but he didn't like it so it only made them call him Norm more often and I found it quite funny To me though he was always Uncle Norm Ok to be honest he was UNCKEE Norm Uncle Norm taught me many things I learned to cuss like a sailor when you are driving I learned comb overs never stay in place I learned grecian formula 1 doesnt work that well I learned that if you dont brush your teeth they will fall out but your 70 year old uncle would rather keep that last one left than let the dentist pull it. I learned you could paint

You might remember, I pay my mom to clean my house 3 days a week This makes me act kind of like , oh I dont know a big sloppy teen. Today she came over and convo went like this. Her: Are these clothes dirty Me: No I am selling them on ebay Her: Oh so you are going to ship them Me: No, no one bought them. Her: OH, So you threw this towel over them because? Me: No I had that towel on the window to block out the sun. Her..blink blink Me: The sun shine through the curtains I wanted a nap. Her: But why is it on the floor. Me: I didnt want hubby to know and ripped it off right before he got home. Her: What is wrong with you? Indeed dear internet What is wrong with me? :)

All the seasons are wrapping up with their finales You know you watch wayyy too much tv in the winter time when you are excited about the finales. But tonight is the Biggest Loser This one I am really excited about. I hope Ashley wins If she doesn't win I hope she gets all her weight off. She is so young and beautiful Being the mother of a young beautiful daughter myself my heart just melts for her. So is it sad I am excited about a television show? Ok ok lets be honest here. Television shows as in plural Yes I have become one of those women 18 months ago I didnt have time to watch tv 18 months ago working full time and at home business, I didn't have time for friends family or anything. Yes I have become one of those boring women now who has to plan to go to the store because it is such a BIG ORDEAL going out. I mean you have to get dressed and everything. Do your hair right? So you know it is a big deal I enjoy having company and I plan out meals to cook. Y

Me: Look at my tan! Him: What is that on your elbow? Me: That's a mole. Him: I never noticed that before? Me: Its always been there, bending, holding arm to look at mole. Him: Did it get bigger? Me: No! Him: What's on your nails? Him: Is that dirt under your nails? Me: WTH NO!  That is aa nail design. I got my nails done. Him: Oh it looked like dirt under your nails. Me: This is why you never get any. Him: I guess I am a dumb A#$#s Me: Yes you are. Him But I am all yours Me: Yes you are my dumb A$$ YAY me! PS here is a pic of my nails I think they look nice but what would a dumb man know anyway about nails

Me: Did you send Grandma that Cat Link Her: I AM NOT CATHOLIC Her: Not that there is anything wrong with that. Me: No I asked her if she sent you that CAT LINK Me: Show her on your iphone Her: Wait I gotta find my glasses Me: They are on your head  HAHA Anywhooo...Here is the Cat LINK:

First thank you for entering and our winner is ............ cstironkat watch your email for verification

My stupid laptop which I LOVE was broken The keyboard was stuck on OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as in oooo lady give me a break I am sooooo tired of you. Or maybe it was OOOOOOMG not you again Could have been GOOOOOOOO away I am so sick of you. I like to think its because I work so much my keyboards cant keep up with me I have had to replace very single keyboard on every laptop I have owned I am sure its because I am so productive and not because I type with big huge paws pounding out misspelled words in random grammatically incorrect sentences, all Neanderthal man like. Link? Where is Link? I dont know he is missing HA! But anyway I got it back today because my good friend was able to just install a new keyboard for me So Yah I am back baby! Did you miss me? PS he is very reasonable and clever so if you need puter help email me and I will hook you up.

CONTEST CLOSED THANKS FOR ENTERING I love to shop Always have Doesnt mean I am a smart shopper Once I went to this flea market with hubby and daughter I think she was about 6 This beautiful man was running some counter with antiques and crap Hubby wandered off and I bolted over there to see him...erm I mean his booth. I mean this guy was a god like creature fallen down to earth selling his wares He was quite the flirt too. I am quite the flirt We were flirting so shamelessly the girl yelled at him in her 6 year old high pitch voice SHES MARRIED SHUT UP says I and that bottle is lovely Yes its an antique perfume bottle I have 100$ on it and you can have it for 65$ Heres my card if you have any questions Swoooooon.......... Thank you cartoon muscle bulging Johnny Depp look alike but you are 6ft2 antinque dealer man The next week I saw the same bottle at Kohls for 10$ Yes I am that easy and stupid meh ANY WHOOOO how about a contest? What is your dumbest purchase

My daughters very first words were thank you She was always handing me crap when she was young Her Rattle Her stuffed pig Her Teddy and being clueless why she was handing them to me I would just say Thank you So erm those were her first words Her second was Daddy Evidently he was more fun to play with than me. My cousin's first boy named Nevin, if you asked him what his name was would proudly exclaim I am NO NEVIN NO So I suppose it could be worse. My girl also use to say everything was some SOME pointing at candy SOME reaching for your glass As in I WANT SOME! Because I use to always ask her when she pointed at things Do you want SOME? Yeah I wasnt very good at teaching her to talk She made up for it later. the Tween years she started talking a lot and never stopped But thats ok too I love being a mom even though I never wanted kids I love knowing all the answers shhh internet dont tell her I dont have them She thinks I do which is good enough But now....

I saw one of those Captcha verification thingies you have to type in when you leave a comment or something on a web page It was But Melodies That is what I am going to call my farts from now on Butt Melodies HAHA My mom use to yell at me  What do you think you  pee rosewater or something, when I was being all uppity and snooty as a young girl Yes dear internet I was always a bit of a Diva even when we were dirt poor and on food stamps I think it just comes natural So from now on I do not Fart My butt is just singing to you!

It's that time of year Spring is here You know what that means to this shopping diva, don't you? Garage sales ! I love garage sales But being a techno geek type diva we cant just be looking at newspapers NO NO that is so so ....80s What the stylish woman to do now? You need this ap Garage sale tracker Available on iphone Don't have an iphone? No worries they are giving two of them away FREE TWO OF THEM! Woohoo Contest is here  http://www.garagesalestracker.com/free-iphone-give-away.asp Track sales in your area Use the iphones GPS to map them Use the iphones internet to see if you can sell your purchases on ebay Use it to calculate costs Just you know........ use it cuz it looks cool Lets all enter this contest and do some serious shopping 2k style! Good luck!

Last night I was watching the Biggest loser It was make over week They would show a persons before picture than they came out after their make over And I sobbed like a baby Mom and the girl were on msn boohooing right with me They showed Ashley (pictured above) who asked her mom at beginning of the show. What If I cant do it? Her mom replied But, What if you can? Yes What if she can? AND she is A freaking MOM moment I want to be that MOM!! What if you can??!!!' BOOHOOO SOB GASP OMG I was a mess Hubby was not in the house for first part of show so he came in last half During weigh ins Thin hubby who has never had a weight problem EVER Who thought he would be funny making snarky remarks Man boob jokes Fat butt jokes I kept telling him to hush Please dont I love this show it inspires me I mean come on since it started I have lost a pound I even joined Curves He kept going on and on though and finally....... I lost it I mean whacko lost it yelling At on

One of my favourite blogs to read is Ann Leary located here She has written two fantastic books, her blog is funny and she shares lots with her readers. Oh and her husband it that one guy Denis Leary. Today she took her flip cam out while she took her horse Mark out for his ride. She makes it look so easy! The one time I have been on a horse was during a cruise excusion I call this picture So Not Us My chubby friend and I were waiting around the coral and watched as the guides singled us out crying Here MAMMA You MAMMAS Over here MAMMAS Oh that must be the word for FAT ARSE you over there! Fat ARSE Mamma come here. After singling us out they put us on the biggest horses in the corral Yes Mamma must  mean fat. Everyone was told to get to know their horse by name Seabreeze Misty Golden girl and of couse mine GREG Watch out Greg Bites Watch out Greg likes to gallop Watch out dont put Greg by the other horses he likes to kick On top of this they pronounced

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I bought my mother tickets to see Craig Ferguson's comedy show In a town near by US!!! YAY! I told her last night and she so happy I got up at 5am  and wth???she is still up I am too excited to sleep she says Erm ok YAY Go to bed I call her at 1230 and ask her if she wants to go to where else? Wal-mart Her: When Me: Do you still need a shower? Her: I was going to do that now Me: You said you doing it yesterday that is why you couldn't tan Her: Yah I was too excited last night Me: So what did you do all night? Sit around and grin? Her: Shut up I'll take one now give me a half hour I wish I could get that excited about something Don't you dear internet?

I was at me fav hangout of late Walmart Who can diss Walmart? They have everything! It's all so cheap too! Instead of a the normal type Walmart cashier (I am not judging) they had a cute guy working it. He was a big flirt too. This guy had a definite MILF fetish going on Thank you DEMI! I was thoroughly enjoying myself and he seemed to be too. The woman behind me was getting quite annoyed at how slow he was scanning my many purchases I was secretly thrilled and happy I had done my hair make up nails and forgot to put my big wedding ring back on and dressed all trendy I swear I didnt look a day over 35 DONT you judge me internet! Anywhoo............ What fun. But then The stupid register asked him to compare signatures I had to show him my ID With the WORST PICTURE ever on it. Big fat big hair triple chin picture With my AGE on it Ugh I totally saw his face fall so much for check out boy fantasies Stupid whoever is in charge of the universe and their twiste

I mentioned earlier here that I wanted to do some redecorating this year. My house is old and crappy and a bit like the Addams family mentioned here . I dont much care what my furniture looks like I am quite pleased with myself that it matches. Well it did at one time. On second thought after only replacing a piece at a time when I absolutely have to I suppose they dont match any longer. To be honest I have every single color in my living space possible Red ,Mauve, Green ,Brown ,Tan, Blue and nicotine white. Also every color of wood. Ok never mind I am not much of a decorator or a housekeeper for that matter. If I had my way I would live in hotels and tear out the walls ALA Joe Cocker I was proud of my day bed and sent a picture to my very stylish friend who said it looked "comfortable" Hey I know a nice insult when I hear one. Yes it is, I pushed ,but what do you think of it. "It isnt something I would have but it fits in with your living room nicely."

This is how Goober stares at me when he catches me eating frosting out of a can Yah there is an AHA moment to be sure Not to worry Goober, I have thrown the frosting away and even joined curves yesterday PS Dear readers, I pride myself on my blog being shallow and fluff and something to laugh at. I dont really delve into deep things on my blog nor in my own life. Yes I try to be as carefree and shallow as my blog pretends to be. I dont always get away with it because some things do touch me, they strike me at the core of my being and make me ashamed at how flippant I treat my life and the things in it. This blog however: http://alzheimersandmomblog.blogspot.com/ Titled simply Mom, Me and Alzhimers humbles me on a per entry basis. If you think there are not angels walking on earth disguised as humans, read this woman' blog. Read this womans blog and see if you really have anything in your life worth complaining about. I know I don't 

I have always worried a bit about trying to look too young Is this skirt too short Do these nails look stupid Are they too long Is the colour design too crazy Do I look silly in my sports car Should I tan just a little or a lot. But now I have figured out the answer Tanning today I am starting to think I may be too old. First off the girls running it are like 80 pounds They're hairstyles seem crazy They wear way too many rings and good lord cover yourself up its not that hot outside But what is really getting me thinking is ......the music They play music in there and its all like WAY TOO LOUD What is that screeching guitar sound? Good lord why are the songs so long? Yup I think I am getting old. I will just have to take my ipod and listen to my old timey music next time. Maybe an audio self help book LOL

Yesterday was our anniversary 24 years! I have been married longer than I was single, Yikes Anyway people seem impressed and ask us how we do it So here you go dear internet just for you . The secret to a long marriage. Sometimes, two people ,after living together a long time, dont like each other ALL the TIME. They annoy each other. I know they love each other, dedicate their lives to one another, blah blah blah Yet Sometimes, they get an urge to slam a fork in the other ones head for breathing through his Stupid nose so loud. But ..... Wait for it here is the wisdom...... You continue to be polite. Pretend its an annoying coworker you have to put up with to keep your job. Pretend it is an annoying family member during the holidays. Pretend it is a random stranger who is in line behind you and making that awful noise I promise, the urge will pass and you will like each other again. He will do something sweet and you will forget all about that urge to scream Fo

Spring is here My town has lots of lovely colorful trees like this. When we moved into our little home we had a cherry tree in our yard too. It had beautiful birds like this living in it. Then it was struck by lightening. Now it looks like this And these live in it Yes we are slowly but surely becoming the Addams Family of our town YAY

It has been over a year since I quit my day job and went with my at home business and I have never been happier. I like to joke that I quit my job a year before I left which is not fair to my past employer. Here are 10 Signs that you should quit your day job. You visualize sticking a pencil in the eye of a coworker every time you hear her fake booming laugh You thow quarters in the mens urinal just to see them disapeer within an hour You come in a half hour late take an extra half hour during lunch and leave an hour early You secretly hope each summons to the bosses office is your dismissal You never check your voice mail You never read your email You start throwing things away rather than file them and wonder when anyone will notice (sadly no one does) You havent done your job properly in so long you have to ring tech support because you forgot your log ins You dont know a coworker was on a two week vacation until they bring in pictures. You cry on Mondays. If any

I had to go to the court house to pay our property tax I took my mother with me so I would look doubly sad trying to struggle to pay my property tax late Poor me Taking care my poor mother Poor me dont I look sad and pathetic? They were nice anyway and didnt care I paid late Then they told me about some silly exemption that I wasnt aware existed would reduce my taxes by 1k a year and gave me some magical pink paper to apply. 20 years I have been paying 1000 dollars too much 20 years! Now who is the pathetic one? Anywho, I think our courthouse is lovely All this marble for such a little town and the vaulted ceiling We took the elavator up because mom said no way could she take those stairs. She headed for the stairs to go down on way out. Me: Dont you want to take the elavator Her: Oh no going down is easy Her: Ooooof, ugh. as she stumbles down two stairs catching herself Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg that is hilarious Me: I am going to pee my pants Her: Shut up M