Thursday, April 30, 2009

It Does Get Better



OMG
So I got a kindle for Christmas
Three month waiting period which um..... sucked

But

They shipped the Kindle 2 rather then the original Kindle ordered

Cool

Its awesome which I already blogged about here.

Although

Today I woke up and it was dead, wont reset wont do anything.

Boooo


Wait for it...

I called customer support they just ship you out a new one that day with a box to return your old one.
How freaking cool is that.

Oh and you dont lose any of your content its all stored online and ready for download again

WOW

I swear I almost had a .....never mind ...family blog

PS That link above is first thing I am buying with my new kindle

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tasteless Tuesday

Let’s start something new here.
Tasteless Tuesdays
Basically it’s been on the net and on blog for awhile.
People upload, write about, and link to things they have heard, seen, or read which they find tasteless.
But it’s easy to make fun of others, right?
Let’s take it a step further, shall we?
I am going to take pictures, stories, tales of tasteless things I have!
Because while I may have bad taste, at least I know it and find it part of my …
Ummm..
Charm?
Wit?
Quirkiness?
Style?
Whatever….lets carry on?

This week is this

A chicken
Made of wood
On a rope
On my side porch
Above our gas grill

Top that!

Monday, April 27, 2009

So Wrong


I blog about my super hot car a lot.
Yes I know
It is boring.
I just love her so much.
I am afraid she hates me now though.

First off moms car died last week.
I took super hot diva car *gasp* grocery shopping
As if that wasn’t bad enough I loaded her up with moms laundry and took her to the laundry mat.

Now Hubbys truck is in the shop
He has to drive her.
To a factory!!
I just know she is terrified in that parking lot with all those blue collar rugged vehicles.

Hmm
Or maybe she’s like me, and finds those blue collar types hard working rough men a turn on.
Hmmm
What a ho !
Back to the garage young lady!
That’s all I am saying ;)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Fashion Flubs

The sun took pity on me and forgave me for my adulterous ways with the tanning bed.
The last two days have been in the 70s almost the 80s
This means two things to yours truly

1. I can put the top down on my super hot car.
2. My winter wardrobe is useless now

In order to do anything, to get out of the house, sole purpose being to drive my super hot car, I took my mother shopping.

But what to wear?
This one is too hot
This one makes me look fat
This one is too tight
This one has a stain
But this one, finally, perfection!
Light blue Capri’s with a stylish pull over tee, big ole Jacky O sunglasses YAY

I go to pick up mom
Top down, sun beaming, teeth gleaming……..wth???
She has on the same freaking outfit basically
White top blue Capri’s GAH
We look ridiculous

LOL but hey the woman does have good taste
That’s all I am saying

Friday, April 24, 2009

Loose Leash Walking

According to You Tube and all the E books available for sale, it is easy to teach your dog how to loose leash walk.
Basically, all you do is turn and go the other way when your dog pulls out in front of you.

Like so:

Dog runs forward
Leash goes taut
Dog turns around
Sees beloved owners back
Confusion sets in.
Repeat as needed
Dog decides to walk beside owner as he is so unpredictable

Goobers session:

Goober lunges forward
Owner falls to knees
Goober jumps on owners head
Owner cusses
Goober lunges forward
Owner screams as shoulder pulls from socket.
Owner cusses
Turns around
Goober runs around in circles tangling owners legs in leash
Owner falls down
Goober jumps on owners head
Owner cusses
Repeat until exhaustion sets in


Wow all in 10 minutes too I cant wait for lesson two.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

M.I.A.

Can I issue a amber alert for the sun?
Where is it?
It's almost May for god sakes
This isnt like Seattle or London!
Is it on strike?
What do I have to barter to get it to come back to work?

Dear Sun,

I miss you!
I am not sure why you are avoiding me?
Did you think I believed all that hype on skin cancer?
Is it my adulterous affair with the tanning bed?
I am sorry.
It was just a fleeting fancy.
I forgot the great times we had during the long winter months.
I thought I would, you know, keep in practice while you were gone and I never said we were exclusive?
Anywhooo, if you come back I swear things will be different
I wont cower from you or hide my eyes or scream you are too bright when I emerge from
my vampire cave.
I promise not to complain of the heat.
Hey how about I even plant some flowers?
Yes I know it has been three years since I tended my landscaping, but weeds need love too.
Some of them even have flowers on them.
Dandilions I've heard make a good salad.
I grew the best crop on the street last year because of you.
Tell me what you want?
If you cant come see me tell me where you are so I can at least come visit.

Signed pale and pasty in the midwest

Just Me.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Yay Another Contest

Yay lets have another contest.
This one the theme is horrid job
What was the worst job you ever had and how did you quit/fire/escape

Five chances to win

Leave a comment with your story of above theme.
Subscribe to me via feed on right.
Follow me on google publicly
Finally for two chance to win, link back to this post via your blog

Email me when you have done them all and I will have a random drawing on April 30th at PST

Good luck

OHHHH and the prize will be a 50$ gift card to Wal-Mart

WOOHOO!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

I caved in and hooked up the Wii Fit
After acting all nice and friendly it asked how tall I was
Then seemingly innocent like asked for my birthdate
Then it made ominous calculating noises and screamed in bright red letters that I was
OBESE
and have the fitness age of someone 12 years older than me.
As if that isnt bad enough
It made my Mii Fat
and hunched over and trembly.
Lastly it offered to password protect my stats assuming I would want to hide them in shame.
Guess what Wii Fit
Everyone already knows I am old and fat
So the joke is on YOU.
I still drive a hotter car than you!
So There!


Any way buy yours here:




Believe it or not as obnoxious as it acts it was quite fun and I managed to do 20 minutes.

Store Daze

Gah, I hate food shopping
I find that sort of odd since being the food shopper you are basically in control of everyones food for a week.
Are we eating anything good?
I dont know check with me, Store goddess to find out.

Signs are favorable that there will be massive amounts of food this week because:

Store goddess is going to the store while:

She is hungry
She is bored
She just got paid
Moms driving with her big ole car
She is not taking a list
Oh and did I say she is hungry?

Woohoo!
Bring it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I'm Out of Here

Recently a coworker quit.
Blew up.
Gone
I am out of here losers!
Which got me thinking.

How I have left all my jobs in the past :

Went out of business
Discharged with honors
Had a baby
Left at lunch never came back
Had my mother call tell them I quit
Job eliminated
Fired escorted out door( I put them on the *gasp* internet without permission)
Mini mental break down


How about you dear internet, tell me your stories how you left horrible jobs

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pest Control


I am not sure what this ferocious thing is but I am glad I have Goober to catch it

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Family Favs


We have a lot of “family meals” we make.
Meaning Mom made them.
I make them
The kid makes them.
Informal meals with no name other than crap, slop, stuff, sh!t.
As in :
Hamburger Crap.
Taco Slop
Sausauge Stuff

Tonights delight is Ham and Egg Sh!t.
Delish!

6 eggs
Some ham-cut up whatever you have is fine
Some milk- I don’t know, so it kind of runny when your done, if its thick add more at end of preparation
Some crackers crubled up. 3/4 a sleeve I suppose more or less
Some shredded cheese, whatever half a bag or maybe 3/4s
Some cut up onions and peppers to taste
Bake at 350 about an hour or less
Till its set and firm not burnt, whatever


Enjoy

Dreary Dayz

It needs to quit raining
I mean for real
The rain has reduced me to:

Sleeping 10 to 11 hours a day
Not getting dressed
Watching the entire pirates triology
Taking on a fake english accent
Drinking rum
Researching all of the characters on wikipedia
Doing face book quizzes
Impulse purchases on Kindle
Evil evil one click buy it now Kindle


Impulse purchases on Itunes
Evil evil buy it now Itunes hook it up to your home theatre play it now itunes

Tomorrow dear internet, I resolve to get up at a decent hour and stay up all day.

After all tomorrow is another day.......

Tell me you stay at home workers, moms ,dads, or whatever, how do you get out of these self imposed funks?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter



From Easterhumor.com

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Super Baby to the Rescue

My friend has a 1 year old.
He's adorable and perfect
One of her neighbors has a baby the same age who of course does everything.
She does it better, faster, sooner, quicker, blah blah
Although the neighbor annoys my friend to no end we get to have convos like this now.

Her: Super baby is coming over for his bday party
Me: What did she make him?
Her: LOL I dont know something I am sure.
Me: She prolly be late cuz she has to wrap it first.


Her: Super baby went to the zoo with us
Me: Did she drive?

Her: Super baby can walk already
Me: Are they sending her down to the pub for cigs yet
Her: No I think they have her rolling them though.

I dont know why I am sharing this internet, maybe as a warning to all you young mothers not to compare what your baby is doing to other young mothers
Because as you can see, no matter how great and super your baby is we will just make fun anyway. ;)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Rescue ME PLEASE

Yay the new season of Rescue me is out on FX
I love this show
I love Tommy Gavin
I would say I love Denis Leary but we all know he is just an actor, happily married, and a nice guy.
Boring!
If you haven't lusted over Tommy Gavin the fire fighter yet you can catch up on his previous four seasons here:



I highly recommend this to EVERYONE

Come on dear internet, fess up!
Who do you secretly lust over?

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Beautiful ADD Mind

Where are my keys?
Where is my purse?
Why is the remote in the refrigerator?
Let’s go tomorrow.
Never mind.
Oh! Lets go here. NOW!
Where did we park?
I forgot to pay it.
I paid it twice.
Where is that bill?
I need a stamp.
I’m out of checks.
I’ll pay online.
I’ll surf some blogs, a forum or two.
My friends online!!
YAY! How are you?
What was I doing?
I’m out of cigs, my lighters gone.
I’ll use the stove.
What’s that burning smell?
I’m working now
Go away.
Where did you go?
I didn’t know.
I’ve lost my pills.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Who Knew?


I work a lot of late nights and early mornings on my work at home gig
Thankfully there are lots of infomercials on tv.
So far I have learned the following:

I need to straighten my wild hair
I need to bump up my flat hair
I need a skin regiment or I might get a pimple like Jessica Simpson
I need all my stuff oxy cleaned not just clean
I am wasting a fortune on paper towels
I could fall off a regular ladder
My old mop is disgusting
My carpets are gross
I make pasta the old fashion slow way
My closets are over flowing and disorganized
I store my shoes wrong
I store my food wrong
I should be investing in limited edition collectibles

Wow!
Who knew?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Big Brother is Watching

I hate mailing lists and store reward cards
I hate to be marketed too because of my prior purchases
I always feel as if i am missing out on cool new things because i didnt make the list.
I did however make these lists based on my CVS coupons and Mailbox

Mail box

Fat lady clothes
Slutty lingerie
Computer gadgets
Food gifts baskets
Specialty Candy Stores


Coupons

Midol
Candy
Diet pills/drinks/food
$ off prescription

So according to big brother's database I am a still fertile medicated fat woman who sits in front of a computer in slutty lingerie all day long yelling because i have pms while eating candy and planning my next diet.
That is sooooo wrong
Ummm Wait....never mind.
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