Friday, November 28, 2008

Witness

Witness

My friend walks a dark path
She didn’t take it by choice
It’s a forced march
I walk along side her
Not close but near.

My way is full of sunshine and rainbows
She cries a lot and sometimes can’t move on
She wants to lie down and give up but she knows she can’t do that
I can see her over there
I see her pain

But my own path, you know, the sun gets in my eyes
I can’t see all the terrible things on her oddessy
I can’t know what terrors or demons she is battling
She cries out to me now and then and tries to explain
I see her struggle wanting to go back from where she came
I try to listen but she knows I can’t really understand

Sometimes there are little glimpses of sunshine
They are fleeting and far between
She stops to enjoy them a bit
But then remembers
She has to start all over again

She spends a lot of time wondering how or why she ended up on this path
She watches and is envious of others of their bright smiles and hope filled journeys.
She use to walk along with us before her dark detour
She wishes she had known they weren’t endless back then
Her path is full of rain, tears for a child taken too soon, for a reason she can’t fathom
A blameless loss, unexpected, unpredictable, unreasonable and unthinkable

I yell over to my friend a lot
I don’t give her any advice or tell her any lies
We both know she will never be the same.
I hope she knows I was near her on her journey
I hope she knows I admire her struggle and am amazed at her will
I hope she knows how much I care.
I hope the path has an ending although I don’t think it does.

Perhaps though, she will find a clearing.
It wont be bright and sunny but maybe only a bit overcast.
A warm place with a fine mist away from the torrential storms.
A place that is peaceful and perhaps she will want to stay there.
Full of memories and smiles
A new place for new joys a different kind perhaps but soothing to a broken heart.
I am waiting for her there
I hope my friend makes it through


P.S.
This is my friends story here

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving so far

- Overslept
-Threw hastily washed turkey in oven no stuffing or prep
-Checked to see if pies made in half drunken haze last night had set up properly
-Pleased they looked good and proud of self.
-Wondered if they tasted as good as they looked
-Ate 1/4 of pie with warm soda, while trying to work online job
-Dropped pie face down on laptop
-Vivid vision of the Fat police with guns drawn saying "Walk away from the pie lady and no one gets hurt"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

100 Things about Me

First post out and I have already decided to be lazy and go the easy route on the about me post.
Standard 100 things about me and should say all you need to know.

1. I use to be really hot
2. I am in my mid 40s and cant quite believe I am no longer super hot.
3. I was lucky enough to know I was hot during the hotness period
4. I am lucky enough to delude myself into not thinking all that is over
5. I am very sarcastic
6. I am brutally honest.
7. I dont have a lot of friends.
8. Its most likely due to the above listed traits.
9. Sometimes I worry about that.
10. Most of the time I dont
11. I have been married 22 years.
12. I am suprised anyone could stand me so long.
13. I have one daughter.
14. I make lots of money.
15. I work hard for all my money
16. I am still hopelessly in debt.
17. I am terrible with money.
18. I am generous with my family and few friends.
19. I dont contribute to any charity
20. I grew up very poor.
21 I always knew i wouldn't stay poor
22 Being poor sucks
23 Money doesn't buy happiness
24 The things money buys makes me happy
25 I am a computer geek
26 I am a bullshitter
27 People tell me I am funny
28. I think blogs are stupid
29. I read a lot of them
30. I have ADD
31. I am on Ritalin
32 I have to be very careful with it because i have an addictive personality
33 I have never lived up to my potential
34 Sometimes knowing I could do something if I wanted to is enough for me
35 I wish it wasn't
36 I buy things for the status symbol
37 I dont know if i am shallow or if its a left over from being a welfare kid
38 I was suspended in school for refusing to eat free lunch
39 I was starving and only refused because they acted so offended
40 I wouldn't go into the store with my mom because she had food stamps
41 She bought me the things i wanted anyway
42 I was a brat as a kid
43 I had a paper route when i was 14
44 The paper route collection man was arrested for molesting a girl
45 I told corporate he had already collected and kept the 400 dollars
46 I bought myself and my poor cousin school clothes with the money
47 I drive a high end sports car
48 I kiss it every morning on the hood
49 I laugh at myself a lot
50 I have fake nails and eyelash extensions
51 I rarely finish what i start
52 Did i say 100 i meant 52
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