Mandatory Blog Here

I have never been one of those people who wish they had thought to say that. I have however, wished at times I had thought not to say it. At least out loud Examples below: From cubeville of course. Me: We could just flow chart it. Her: What do you mean? Me: A chart, if this than that sort of thing, cover all the variables and what not. Her: OH YES!! We can use circles and squares. Me: Maybe even diamonds. Her: What? Me: Maybe not, let’s keep it simple Her: That's what I meant. Me: Sweet! Tech 1: Should I bring tools Tech 2: What? Me: You could just use your fingers and teeth. Tech 2: What? Tech 1: What do you mean? From home: Me: Did you get lost? Her: No Me: I thought you couldn’t find it? Her: I didn’t know where I was going. Me: Yes hun that would be you really lost. Her: Shut up Me: We all lose our way now and again. Her Are you going to shut up? Me: Sometimes I flounder about, wonder what I am here for, wonder what it all means. Her: I’m going now. Me: I’m going to the

Charming Amazon kindle Guitar hero Him doing grocery shopping Bubble baths Big soft towels A day inside Annoying 3 month backorder on kindle (Really? 3 months? Seriously?) He isn’t getting into GH with me (Prolly cuz he sucks at it hehe) No food in house Knocks at door during bubble baths (Go outside!Isn’t that a male pride thing anyway?) No clean clothes (Wth my housecleaner has gone AWOL) 7 hours online job (Does my evil twin book these or what?) Resolutions 1. Get rich 2. Get thin I am pretty sure I can buy everything else or charm it out of someone if I accomplish those two things. Bring it.

The Reason we bought you The reason we kept you. The reason you stayed. The reason we laugh. The reason we love you Merry Christmas Goober. Thank you so much for putting up with us.

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I have a high end sports car. It isn’t new though, I bought it off lease from a Florida dealer. I have driven it in the snow and it is all wheel drive that handles very well. Yesterday, I had to drive it on ice and when I made my first left hand turn onto the street it just kept turning. It was quite odd though as I didn’t feel out of control at all. Lovely little sports car just did a perfect U turn as if to say “um, no I don’t think so. We need to go back home.” Now it’s not a Volkswagen but it is a German car. I felt as if Herbie the Love Bug had taken over the wheel. I turned back down my street, passed my driveway, and sweet talked her into carrying on. I am not sure if it’s the German in her or the spoiled Floridian but I had to kiss her @rse all the way to work. I was giving her promises of wax jobs, professional detailing, and high end octane the entire way. What a diva. I love that car.

1. Plan for the worst,hope for the best. 2. Never burn bridges. 3. Always say exactly what you mean. 4. Never expect another person to do, say, or act a certain way. 5. Always laugh at yourself. Others will laugh with you. This short post was brought to you by, the number 5 and A Lazy Housewife.

I like to think I am a strong confident woman. I normally am quite good at convincing myself that I am There are certain moments that those carefully crafted illusions come crashing down. Over the last couple days I confess to the following: Asked him to go to store as I couldn’t face the crowds After the ice storm had him take me to work not just one day but also day after The entrée I was to bring into work dinner didn’t turn out Panic attack when daughter didn’t answer cell phone after ice storm Called numerous times even though I knew she wasn’t answering Called her fiancé numerous times even though he wasn’t answering Texted her BFF phone frantically even though I wasn’t sure I had the number right Told my mother about it so we could FEED OFF each others fears in detail. Stalked her, his and her bff facebook, myspace, twitter to see last log in. Ate all the raw cookie dough in two days After failing to get my jeans zipped spent twenty minutes searching for fat jeans, only to reali

A convo today with one of my dear male friends. Him: I am so bah humbug today Me: Why is that? Him: I don’t know Me: That’s a shame Him: I was listening to talk radio today Me: My God don’t listen to the news on the economy its depressing Him: No it was some Catholic station Me: Well that should be uplifting, aren’t you Catholic? Him: I was, well kind of, I don’t go to church but I listen to this show Me: I would think that should count for something Him: Yes that’s what I thought Me: So what he say Him: Oh that none of it matters no one remembers you when you’re gone anyway Me: Well that is depressing for a priest Him No not really it more like Christmas is about people not gifts or decorations Me Yes of course but I like gifts, don’t you? Him You know what they say money can’t buy happiness Me: Who says that Him: Everyone says that Me: Yeah you know who says that? Cheap people do. (giggles) Him I am not into gifts this year Me: You’re not? Him No they are silly meaningless material

Horrible things I have given as gifts with the best of intentions, honestly at that moment in time, I thought these were great gifts! - Mud flaps - Shorts 3 sizes too big - A vibrating pen - A leather vest with fringe (male) - Play dough factory (2yr old) - 1000 piece puzzle solid in color - A monkey on a stick - Assorted pieces of wood - A printer with no cables/power source - Glamour pics of myself - Self warming battery operated socks - 2 cartons of cigs Honestly, all these gifts were given in love with the best of intentions, if any of them intrigues you and you just can’t wrap your mind around how anyone could give such a thing, leave a comment and I will do my best to explain myself.

Dear Santa, I know I told you to get lost years ago when I was a young poor kid and you were either too busy to come see me or scared of the neighbor’s pit bull, whatever chubs, but I will give you one more chance. Since that day I vowed to work hard and never ask any man (especially the fat hairy type who can only come out once a year and pass judgment whilst scarfing cookies and milk) for anything. I pretty much buy it all for me by me thank you very much. Being the kind hearted forgiving type that I am; I will give you one more chance. Please bring me the following for Christmas. Oh and by the way fat man I have been good, very good, the type of good that you don’t want to tell your wife or mother about but that you sit around in a stupor for days remembering good! mm kay? Any of these will suffice and redeem your soul in my eyes: -The magic diet pill (There are magic pills for men whose parts don’t or shouldn’t work, where is mine?) -Shoes and not just any shoes either the ones tha

Yesterday was my birthday and this was a maze of various convos with my mother Her: you want cake Me: sure I like cake Her: you want everyone come over Me: sure why not be fun Her: well when you always working Me: not Saturday Her: ok Saturday Me: we do get our lashes done then though Her: ok well maybe dinner Me: ok cool dinners good Her: well we could have cake later we be done early Me: ok sure cake later Her: everyone Me: sure that be good Her: I am going to make steaks tonight Me: ok but ill be working Her: that’s ok few hours pass Me: I got someone cover I don’t have to work Her: great lets go out for steak Me: ok Her: everyone coming too Me: what Her: oh never mind that a secret Me: what about them Her: everyone is coming along is that ok? Me: erm yah I guess does my dear hubby know Her: no Me: you should tell him? Her: ok few minutes pass texts all 5 mins apart Her:: Yet steak we all going Her:: Yet everyone be there Her:: never mind its all off I am sick forget it I phone her

The only thing I enjoy about winter is the fashion. I was made for fall fashion in my humble opinion I adore sweaters, boots, lush coats, beautifully trimmed gloves and hats. I have a full length leather trench style coat made from lambs leather. It is soft lush lovely but lately I have been wanting fur for some reason So off to ebay I bought a soft suede dove Grey leather coat lined in fur. Sadly it was more a Elvis Blue Suede shoes type UGH The fur was lovely and a removable liner so I took it to my tailor to have her fit it in my existing coat. You could tell she was horrified by the request pushed at with her ruler and said " I don't do fur." Fine! How hard could it be it just a liner. I will do it myself I thought Hours later, fingertips bleedy from needlepricks, I model my new sleek leather coat with luxurious fur liner. Unfortunately all it did was make me look as if I had gained 40 pounds Fine! I don't need real fur anyway! Back on the internet sooner then the

So the Girl Graduated last night, obtaining the long awaited and very expensive Degree. She is the first in our family and I am so very proud. So proud that I can only blame that on the following actions. Things Mom did at her only child's graduation: -Sobbed loudly -Blew nose honking like a wild goose call when auditorium was silent -Promised to be nice around the Fiances Parents -Screamed dinner and drinks on me money is no object after ceremony -Made no reservations -Suggested we sit in bar while waiting for table -3 Long Island Ice teas while waiting for table -1 Long Island Ice tea at table ignored appetizers -Sampling everyone else drink? -Thought I was quite funny and charming, realizing today I was only drunk with pride and liquer -At one point said the phrase, why didnt you just buy him condems hell i bought her condems -Insisted the entire table go to vegas for the wedding and it was all on me! -Hugged and sobbed over girl numerous times exclaiming I never thought you wou

My daughter and I text a lot. Mainly because I am always working and the fact I hate phones. For some reason since the internet and cell phones are so popular I can barely stand to pick up a phone. I love msn,yahoo,twitter, and texting. I think its because I can answer at my leisure and also gives me an opportunity to censor myself. If I am just yammering on phone there is no backspace key to get my foot out of my mouth. Her fiance has texted me on occassion too and once at work we had a texing convo like this. Him: Yay its Goobers (our dog) Birthday! Me: Oh yes it is you are right. Him: Should we come over for his party? Me: Ummm ok Him: I'll bring cake! Me: Ummm ok cake for him or for us? Him: Both!! Me: OK ill buy pizza Him: YAY CAKE and pizza. Me: ummm yah ok tonight then? Him: Dont you want to see me? Me blink blink Me: Of course tonight then? Him: This is your daughter I am using his phone. Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wondered! Him/Her: YAY CAKE Me: YAY!!

Annoying No mocha at starbucks Monday Control tops and spanx don’t do their job as well as before No sun Dry skin Charming Fur lined leather coat Figure hiding cashmere sweater Caramel latte Low humidity hair awesomeness Hugs Holiday tunes on rhapsody

Witness My friend walks a dark path She didn’t take it by choice It’s a forced march I walk along side her Not close but near. My way is full of sunshine and rainbows She cries a lot and sometimes can’t move on She wants to lie down and give up but she knows she can’t do that I can see her over there I see her pain But my own path, you know, the sun gets in my eyes I can’t see all the terrible things on her oddessy I can’t know what terrors or demons she is battling She cries out to me now and then and tries to explain I see her struggle wanting to go back from where she came I try to listen but she knows I can’t really understand Sometimes there are little glimpses of sunshine They are fleeting and far between She stops to enjoy them a bit But then remembers She has to start all over again She spends a lot of time wondering how or why she ended up on this path She watches and is envious of others of their bright smiles and hope filled journeys. She use to walk along with us before her

- Overslept -Threw hastily washed turkey in oven no stuffing or prep -Checked to see if pies made in half drunken haze last night had set up properly -Pleased they looked good and proud of self. -Wondered if they tasted as good as they looked -Ate 1/4 of pie with warm soda, while trying to work online job -Dropped pie face down on laptop -Vivid vision of the Fat police with guns drawn saying "Walk away from the pie lady and no one gets hurt"

First post out and I have already decided to be lazy and go the easy route on the about me post. Standard 100 things about me and should say all you need to know. 1. I use to be really hot 2. I am in my mid 40s and cant quite believe I am no longer super hot. 3. I was lucky enough to know I was hot during the hotness period 4. I am lucky enough to delude myself into not thinking all that is over 5. I am very sarcastic 6. I am brutally honest. 7. I dont have a lot of friends. 8. Its most likely due to the above listed traits. 9. Sometimes I worry about that. 10. Most of the time I dont 11. I have been married 22 years. 12. I am suprised anyone could stand me so long. 13. I have one daughter. 14. I make lots of money. 15. I work hard for all my money 16. I am still hopelessly in debt. 17. I am terrible with money. 18. I am generous with my family and few friends. 19. I dont contribute to any charity 20. I grew up very poor. 21 I always knew i wouldn't stay poor 22 Being poor sucks 2